Some people think that the most successful people are those who earn a lot of money, while others believe that scientists are the most successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people believe that those who earn a lot of money are the most successful, as their wealth allows them to afford a wide range of prosperous lifestyles.
However
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, I agree with those who argue that scientists are more successful, as the impact they make is long-lasting and significantly contributes to global knowledge. On the one hand, some argue that certain professions,
such
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as being a young celebrity, are some of the most successful jobs, as they offer high income to be able to afford a wealthy prosperous life. Advocates of
this
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view claim that those people often enjoy a glamorous lifestyle and generate wealth at an early age, compared to others in the same age group who may still be working
in
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at
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lower management levels in the office.
For example
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, an Indonesian famous artist, Nikita Willy, reportedly purchased a private jet, travelled to numerous countries, and became part of an exclusive and elite club,
which
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in which
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the members are typically CEOs of multinational companies and political persons.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who concur that
population
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the population
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working in the science field,
such
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as artificial intelligence scientists, is exceptionally successful, as they bring a long-lasting concussion. Their contributions lead to the advancement of technology, and in the long run, influence how the world functions.
As a result
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, it benefits not only the present generation but
also
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future ones.
For instance
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, in 2024, scientists who developed Chat GPT artificial intelligence helped transform the way internet users access information, automate daily tasks, and improve productivity across various industries. In conclusion,
although
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high income is often seen as a sign of job success due
the
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to the
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exclusive lifestyle it affords, I believe that successful jobs,
such
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as scientist, are defined by the scale and significance of their concussion especially when that bounce benefits a wide range of community over the long period.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your opinion. Try to group related ideas together to improve flow.
task achievement
In your conclusion, make your opinion more direct and clearer by summarizing your main points in a straightforward way.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler sentences to improve clarity. Avoid complex phrases that might confuse readers.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives before stating your own opinion, which is good for structure.
task achievement
You gave specific examples to support your points, which helps make your argument stronger.
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