IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Several people assert that the main cause of crime is an economically disadvantaged background. However, others say that crime is caused by a person’s nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is seen that
people
Use synonyms
, these days,
work
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 for various employees, in different
fields
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 and various ways, because of their changing attitudes of working for the same employers for their lifetime. I feel that
this
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 trend can lead to financial difficulties and
employee's
Change noun form
employee
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performances
Fix the agreement mistake
performance
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.
To begin
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 with, changing jobs could lead to uncertainty and economic instability. In some cases, it is far harder for workers to manage a better job, particularly in developing countries like India. If
people
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 want to gain experience, they should try in their current occupations, because it is seen that
people
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 are more comfortable and engaged within their areas.
That is
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 why job holders should not change their working
fields
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 and should stay with the same company to avoid their financial difficulties.
Additionally
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- and
mDefinitely
Correct your spelling
definitely
- there is
impact
Add an article
the impact
an impact
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 on employers’ performances if they change jobs so frequently. Some employees reported significantly more cope-up problems during the first few weeks of joining new
work
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fields
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 including depression. It is
also
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 noticeable that workers who moved to different
work
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fields
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 had less productivity , had the most trouble learning new lessons, and had the most problems paying attention to their responsibilities.
As a result
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, companies prioritise those who stay with them for a long time with different incentives
such
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 as annual leaves,
paternal
Correct word choice
and paternal
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, maternal, and sick leaves.
For instance
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, a finding by a Bangladeshi university says that joining new jobs after a certain period lowers workers' productivity. So, I strongly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should stay with the same companies for their own benefit. In conclusion, it can be summarized that
due to
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 the potential poor performance at
work
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, and financial instabilities, my opinion is that individuals should
work
Use synonyms
 under the same owners as long as it is possible, even until their retirement.

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coherence and cohesion
Reorganize the essay to start with clear main points in the introduction and provide related examples in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Include clear topic sentences in each paragraph to help guide the reader.
task achievement
Add more relevant examples to support your ideas effectively.
task achievement
Clarify your arguments about job changes and financial stability with specific cases or statistics to strengthen your opinion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the trend of changing jobs, which shows awareness of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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