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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the per capita consumption of whole milk and low-fat milk in the United States between 1970 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the per capita consumption of whole milk and low-fat milk in the United States between 1970 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates whole
milk
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 and low-fat
milk
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 consumed by
Use synonyms
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between 1970 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
consumption
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 of whole
milk
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 exhibits
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 reduction throughout the given period. Meanwhile, the
consumption
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 of low-fat
milk
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 was in higher
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the first half of the period before remained plateau in
second
Add an article
the second
show examples
 half of the period.
Quarter
Add an article
A quarter
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 of
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American drink
Replace the word
Americans drank
show examples
 whole
milk
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 in 1970 and the trend gradually
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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 to 14 per
capita
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 in 1990 which
similar
Add a missing verb
is similar
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 low-fat
milk
Use synonyms
consumption
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.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2015, only 5
per
Correct your spelling
per cent
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capita
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
American drink
Replace the word
Americans drank
show examples
 whole
milk
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to low-fat
milk
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consumption
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, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started lower in 1970 which was 8 per
capita
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, but in 1990 the
America
Replace the word
American
show examples
 people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
preferred to
consumed
Wrong verb form
consume
show examples
 low-fat
milk
Use synonyms
 which accounted for 14 per
capita
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. The figure
was maintain
Change the verb form
was maintained
show examples
 for 3 consecutive
year
Change to a plural noun
years
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 before it
reduced
Add a missing verb
was reduced
show examples
 to 13 per
capita
Use synonyms
 in 2015. Low-fat
milk
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consumption
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 among
Use synonyms
American
Fix the agreement mistake
Americans
show examples
 is more favourable compared to whole
milk
Use synonyms
 in 2015.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, american, consumption, capita with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduce" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • comparison
  • preference
  • significant
  • decline
  • rise
  • trend
  • gradual
  • surpass
  • pattern
  • shift
  • healthier options
  • approximately
  • amount
  • between
  • overall
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