IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There are many ways to display products
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media. Creativity
bring
Change the verb form
brings
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to create popular
goods
Use synonyms
 without details of the functions. In
this
Linking Words
 day
, very
Correct word choice
and, very
show examples
 high sales of worthless things which not
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 real need for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. I strongly believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 waste a lot of money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unnecessary
goods
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
workin
Correct your spelling
workin'
working
 hard to afford
living
Add an article
the living
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 try to enjoy
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
 and make
themsekf
Correct your spelling
himself
themself
 happy.
For enjoying
Change preposition
To enjoy
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that they have to
appriciate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what they have done,
people
Use synonyms
 like to spend money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
goods
Use synonyms
 that
looks
Change the verb form
look
show examples
 great without
think
Change the verb form
thinking
show examples
 about the functions. Social media is one of the easy
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
show examples
 to
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
show examples
 and
selling
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
 some
goods
Use synonyms
, from the smart screen
people
Use synonyms
 just go ahead with
everthing
Correct your spelling
everything
 and
feels
Correct subject-verb agreement
feel
show examples
 that it
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them happy. In
particullar
Correct your spelling
particular
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small toys
cost
Verb problem
are
show examples
 quite expensive without details functions,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 the
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 just throw
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 away and create a negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 like to spend money to make their house
looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
show examples
 nice with small miniature, as long as they can
priority
Replace the word
prioritise
show examples
 the main things in
this
Linking Words
life
Use synonyms
 that will be fine. We just need to be wise, as a consumer we need to check the quality and what we need in our society. Buying online sometimes can be dangerous,
regarding that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
we need to check
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every single thing. In conclusion, everything
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on how we look and care about our
life
Use synonyms
. We need to be smart when
purchase
Change the verb form
purchasing
show examples
 something and know what we
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure to introduce your main points clearly in the introduction. This helps the reader know what to expect.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph. This helps to connect your ideas logically.
task achievement
Try to avoid repeating similar phrases and ideas. Instead, add more examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph directly supports your main argument. This will improve clarity and focus.
task achievement
You have shown a clear opinion about consumer goods and advertising.
task achievement
You included some examples from real-life situations, which gives your argument more depth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
What to do next:
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