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Band 6.5

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are best at or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, some people advocate the idea that students should only concentrate on what they are passionate about
while
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 others argue that children should learn all subjects in their curriculum comprehensively. From my perspective, both viewpoints have their merits but I am convinced by the latter idea for several reasons. On the one hand, being able to focus on
favourite
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their favourite
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 fields helps teenagers save time to invest in their chosen fields and form their future path at the early stage. Specifically,
instead
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 of putting a great effort into achieving excellent grades in areas that are not their strengths, learners are able to concentrate on broadening their horizons in what suits their ability the most.
In addition
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, young people are more likely to have motivation and engagement when absorbing their favourite academic domains, which helps to reduce boredom or distraction. In fact, in current times, there are many specialized schools
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that
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have trained multiple qualified generations that excel in their chosen paths.
On the other hand
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, studying all areas equally
also
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 has its merits.
Firstly
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, the school curriculum is designed to help youngsters develop a well-rounded knowledge base. These are the basic understanding and skills that anyone will need during their future life.
Moreover
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, teenagers paying attention to multiple fields are able to gain exposure to various perspectives.
As a result
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, they can discover their hidden talents or interests and prepare for diverse career options.
This
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 is extremely crucial for young people who are still unclear about their abilities and have not identified their strengths or passions yet. To illustrate, a majority of individuals who skip secondary subjects end up spending time relearning the fundamentals as they choose these areas at university or work in the related domains
at the end
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. In conclusion,
although
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 narrowing one's focus has many benefits, I still hold a strong belief that teenagers should engage in a balanced curriculum as it ensures they are well-prepared for various life and career challenges.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. This helps the reader understand your view right away.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions like 'firstly' and 'moreover' to show the flow of your ideas better. This will help people follow your argument easily.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or details to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument well, showing good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a good introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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