IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their futureThe working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend

Employees should
work
Use synonyms
 for shorter
hours
Use synonyms
 and have more time available for
weekends
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree,
while
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 shorter
hours
Use synonyms
 make
workers
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 more efficient, it impacts their income significantly.
Furthermore
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, long
weekends
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 can have a negative effect on mental health .
To begin
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 with, working for
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 leads to a better quality of
work
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 produced by
workers
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.
This
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 is because long working
hours
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exposes
Correct subject-verb agreement
expose
show examples
 employees to elevated levels of fatigue
due to
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 exhaustion,
thus
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 impacting the quality of the service they provide. But if the duration of these shifts were reduced,
workers
Use synonyms
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be more productive as they
are
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 more relaxed with a more productive thinking process to finish the task at hand.
However
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, the reduction in
duration
Correct article usage
the duration
show examples
 of
work
Use synonyms
also
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 means that they would be paid less which could be unfortunate for those who are in need to provide for their families.
In addition
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, long off-
work
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 days can aggravate and worsen mental health. Some people usually consider
work
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 as a distraction from certain problems that can be stressful to face. For these people, longer
weekends
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 could usually be a disastrous development as they have to spend more
hours
Use synonyms
 confronting their thoughts.
This
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 leads to elevated levels of anxiety and depression which worsens the quality of their life significantly.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 their perspective, working continuously is the only antidote available to avoid these concerns.
To conclude
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,
while
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 shorter working
hours
Use synonyms
 usually result in better productivity, I believe it should
also
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 be considered that the financial income suffers from
such
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 decisions which is catastrophic to some people.
Moreover
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,
workers
Use synonyms
 with stressful burdens usually struggle more during longer
weekends
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your position (agree or disagree) and briefly outline your key points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas in a clearer way. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea with clear examples.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could talk about certain professions that require a lot of hours.
Task Achievement
You have shown a clear opinion throughout the essay, which is important for task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your points about productivity and mental health are relevant and interesting, adding depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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