IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, many people are overweight. What are the problems? What are the solutions?

In recent years, the number of overweight
people
Use synonyms
 has increased significantly.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious issue
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals and society as well.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss two of the main causes of
obesity
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 suggest some practical measures to reduce its harmful effects. One of the most significant problems of overweight is poor
health
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 who are overweight have a higher risk of getting serious illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease.
For instance
Linking Words
, the World
Health
Use synonyms
 Organization (WTO) said in 2022 that many
people
Use synonyms
 die early because of
health
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 caused by
obesity
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 illness can make life harder
as well as
Linking Words
 shorter. To tackle
this
Linking Words
 difficulty,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide healthier food to the
people
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 cost. In Japan, schools give students healthy lunches with rice, fish, and vegetables, and
this
Linking Words
 helps keep children healthy. Apart from that, Fixing high
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 junk food and sugary drinks may reduce the purchase of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 products.
For example
Linking Words
, Mexico
fix
Change the verb form
fixes
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 tax
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sugary drinks. Another major
problem
Use synonyms
 of
obesity
Use synonyms
 is mental pressure.
Overweight
Add a missing verb
Being overweight
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 hurt mental
health
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 feel unhappy and embarrassed
due to
Linking Words
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, one study in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 found that teenagers who are overweight feel more depressed than others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In some places,
people
Use synonyms
 even face bullying or discrimination because of their bodies. To address
this
Linking Words
, the Government, schools or organizations have to establish gyms or
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 immediately. In Finland, schools have daily physical activity breaks, and
this
Linking Words
 has helped students become healthier and even do better in school. In conclusion, being
Use synonyms
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
 causes many
health
Use synonyms
 problems which make life harder.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can increase
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. But there are many ways to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
. If
people
Use synonyms
 and governments work together, we can reduce
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 and help everyone live a healthier life.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each idea you write about is fully explained and connected to your main points. This will help the reader understand your thoughts better.
task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples to support your ideas. This can make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
general
Check for grammar and punctuation errors. Small mistakes can distract from your main points.
task achievement
You have identified important problems related to obesity and suggested practical solutions, which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, main points, and a conclusion, which helps in following your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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