IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured.

The diagram below shows how instant noodles are manufactured.
The flow chart depicts the process of
instant
Verb problem
producing instant
show examples
 noodles
produced
Verb problem
apply
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process
consist
Correct subject-verb agreement
consists
show examples
 of eight main steps, beginning with the storage silos and ending with labelling
add
Use the right word
and
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 sealing. Notably,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most steps
finished
Verb problem
are finished
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 by machine and
transport
Replace the word
transported
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 with conveyor belts.
Initially
Linking Words
, flour
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 from storage silos, they are
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
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 with water and oil in
automatic
Correct article usage
an automatic
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 machine, which is
then
Linking Words
roll
Wrong verb form
rolled
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 into thin dough sheets. These sheets are
subsequently
Linking Words
 cut into
noodle
Use synonyms
 strands and
easy
Verb problem
are easy
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 to cook. The
Use synonyms
noodle
Fix the agreement mistake
noodles
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 next to
shape
Wrong verb form
shaped
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 into
the
Correct article usage
apply
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discs ready for packaging and
further
Linking Words
 processing.
However
Linking Words
, the instant
noodle
Use synonyms
doesn't
Verb problem
hasn't
show examples
down
Verb problem
been done
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 yet. It still
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 considerable processes before selling. For easier to conserve
noodle
Use synonyms
 and maintain drying whenever,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have to
cover
Wrong verb form
be covered
show examples
oil
Change preposition
with oil
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the whole surface. And switch them into
noodle
Use synonyms
 cups with vegetables and spices, which achieves various flavours.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
noodle
Use synonyms
 cups are
labeled
Use the right word
labelled
show examples
 and sealed with the factory's production information.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words noodle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • mixing ingredients
  • dough preparation
  • sheeting
  • steaming
  • cutting techniques
  • dehydration
  • deep-frying
  • cooling system
  • packaging
  • quality control
  • production line
  • mass production
  • food preservation
  • convenience food
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