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Band 4.5

Is it important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option. What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children

Punishment
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 will not be helpful with all the
children
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 there are other
ways
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 to teach them rights and wrongs. The question is, Is it necessary for
kids
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 to know about the difference between right and wrong at an early age
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In my opinion, I believe teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kids
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the
Change the word
their
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 rights at an early age is essential. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to introduce the
ways
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 to teach them
this
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 distinction and give my opinion. First of all, there are many
parents
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tend
Correct pronoun usage
who tend
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 to teach their
kids
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 by
punishment
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.
However
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, It will not work for all
children
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 because some of the
children
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 are stubborn,
therefore
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, The
parents
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 ought to find another way.
for instance
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, My cousin is 7 years old and he is stubborn,
therefore
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, my uncle could not teach him by
punishment
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 so he found another way to teach him,
as a result
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, my cousin is so polite and knows the difference between the right and wrong.
However
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, there are many punishments that can be used to teach
children
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 good behaviours. Teachers in my country used to hit the students,
However
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, The government is bond
this
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 behaviour,
therefore
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, the teachers follow deduct scores or
parents
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' calls. and
this
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ways
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 helped a lot to teach the students good
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. In conclusion, I would argue that teaching
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 in childhood
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good behaviour is essential. the
punishment
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 is not always working with the
kids
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,
Moreover
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, there are other
ways
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 that can followed by
parents
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such
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 as
deprivation
Correct article usage
the deprivation
show examples
 of playing. Kim Rty

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to that idea.
task achievement
Add more examples and explanations to support your opinions. This will make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation. Some sentences are hard to read because of mistakes.
task achievement
You clearly expressed your opinion on the importance of teaching children the difference between right and wrong.
task achievement
You provided a personal example, which makes your writing engaging and relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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