IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think parents should supervise their children's activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today's changing world, there has been a controversial debate on whether
parents
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 should closely monitor their
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children'
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children's
show examples
activities
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 or give them more freedom.
While
Linking Words
 some folks argue that
chil-dren's
Correct your spelling
children's
activities
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 need to be supervised by their
parents
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, others believe that they need more
free-dom
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freedom
show examples
.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and explain why I see that they should be monitored by
parents
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. On the one hand, those people who argue in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of giving
children
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 the time and freedom to do whatever
activities
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 unsupervised, claim that they can make their own small decisions and improve their interpersonal skills and collaboration among
children
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 which are important skills for their
fu-ture
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future
.
For instance
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,
a
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an
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 8-year-old
child
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 who decides to make minor
decision
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decisions
show examples
 during certain
activities
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 is more likely to be confident and have the ability to make critical decisions in the future.
On the other hand
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, I go
along with
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 other people who believe that
children
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 need to be closely supervised by their
parents
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 on a regular basis for several key reasons.
the
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The
show examples
 most significant one is that kids are facing nowadays many dangers online and offline. When
parents
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 are in close
relation
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relationship
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 with their
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
, they can notice any changes that may occur in their
child
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's
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
For example
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, when a
child
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 is too anxious or too quiet,
this
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 may alert
parents
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 that there should be something
ab-normal
Correct your spelling
abnormal
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 in their
child
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's attitude, and that way they can manage the problems their
child
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face
Correct subject-verb agreement
faces
show examples
 too early. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people claim there are benefits of letting
children
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doing
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do
show examples
 their
activities
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 freely to gain confidence and long-life skills, I strongly believe that they ought to be supervised by their
parents
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 to avoid possible issues that may arise and affect them negatively.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by briefly stating both sides before sharing your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'in conclusion' to better guide your readers through your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure proper capitalization of the first letter in sentences and names (e.g., 'the' should be 'The').
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more detail and context, which can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented clear arguments for both sides of the debate, showing an understanding of different viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion and the main points discussed, providing closure to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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