Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, there has been a
widespead disscussion
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widespread discussion
regarding the issue of sugary
products
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should be
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being
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made more expensive to encourage
people
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to consume less
suger
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sugar
. Some
people
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believe that sugary
products
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should be made more expensive to encourage
people
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to consume less
sugar
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,
while
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others hold the view that sugary
products
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should not be made more expensive. From my perspective, I firmly disagree with the idea that sugary
products
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should be made more expensive.
To begin
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with, one of the primary reasons for my stance is that not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
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eat too
much
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many
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sugary
products
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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cases
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causes
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many health
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products
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problems
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.
This
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is because most
of
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apply
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people
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eat sugary
for
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foods for
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fun, which means that each
times
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time
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only
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they only
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eats
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eat
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a
few
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little
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sugar
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.
For instance
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, when we watch films, we
perpared
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prepared
some cookies and popcorn, but normally we only ate 2 or 3 cookies,or one bottle of popcorn.
This
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clearly shows that sugary
products
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should not be made expensive.
This
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is unfair for most
people
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.
Furthermore
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, another compelling reason is that
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it increase
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increase
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increases
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the
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people
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apply
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pressure.
This
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is because children
likes
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like
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sweets, which means their parents need to add more budget for
this
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,they
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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to work more to balance
this
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part of
budget
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the budget
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. To illustrate, when the candy price
highly
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is higher
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than before,
this
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increased
Verb problem
puts
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more pressure
to
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on
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parents.
This
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further
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confirms that my
opinon
Correct your spelling
opinion
is correct.
To conclude
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,
although
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some
people
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's choice of improving sugary
products
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price
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apply
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to encourage
people
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to consume less
sugar
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,
but
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apply
show examples
I think sugary
products
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should not be made more expensive to encourage
people
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to consume less
sugar
Use synonyms

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development
Plan first. State your view in one line, then give 2 clear reasons with simple examples, and end with a short wrap up.
language
Write in clear, short sentences. Check word order and use simple grammar.
coherence
Make the flow smooth. Use 'First', 'Also', 'But', 'For example' to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
examples
Use more relevant examples that show why sugar price can affect people differently, and show fair points for both sides.
strength
You take a clear view on the question.
structure
You try to use structure with intro, body and conclusion.
content
Some examples show an attempt to give proof.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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