IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters {such as food, clothin and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There has been debate whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young people should make their own choices or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
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 is
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 method
would
Correct pronoun usage
that would
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 lead to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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severe
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
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. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 l will go through both sides and provide my own opinion. On one side, the main reason
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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 if we give our kids the freedom to choose whatever they want it most likely they will tend to be sailfish.
This
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 means, at first they have the charge to make their own decision so they will just think why we need
parents
Use synonyms
 because they can make decisions without any
panshment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 which they will be spoiled. Take my little brother as an example my
parents
Use synonyms
 gave him the green light to choose what food he
wants
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to eat
as a result
Linking Words
 he became a picky eater.
On the other hand
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 , there are people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
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that is
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 a beneficial way to raise a child not only they may become
independent
Correct article usage
an independent
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 child ,but
also
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 their personality will grow and become stronger.
This
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 means the
parents
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 will have more
of
Correct your spelling
or
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 less ire time to practice their hobbies which will build a happy family. There is research done of
Add an article
the family
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family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 are doing
this
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 method and all their children become independent
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 big place in the country. In conclusion, having looked at
this
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 topic in detail, on balance
it is clear that
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 the negative
outweigh
Change the verb form
outweighs
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 the positive,
although
Linking Words
 it is true that there are benefits like being independent
a
Correct word choice
and a
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stronger person
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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it can make a monster. From my perspective the best way
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is just teaching them how they can save their money but the other
parents
Use synonyms
 should choose.

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement clearly outlines your opinion and how you will structure your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences to start each paragraph, so your ideas are easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid spelling errors and use correct terms (e.g., 'selfish' instead of 'sailfish').
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, making your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which is a good way to show you understand the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion effectively, which helps reinforce your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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