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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart below shows the number of tourists in three nations who trave/ to Australia in 2005 and 2015. The graph below shows the numberof tourists who use two types for holiday. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where re/evant.

The bar chart below shows the number of tourists in three nations who trave/ to Australia in 2005 and 2015. The graph below shows the numberof tourists who use two types for holiday. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where re/evant.
The chart illustrates the variation in terms of the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
 from three countries, namely the
UK
Use synonyms
, the US and Japan, in 2005 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 in 2005,
Australia
Use synonyms
 was more attractive to
tourists
Use synonyms
 from Japan than to those from the
UK
Use synonyms
 and the US, with approximately 1,500,000 Japanese
tourists
Use synonyms
 visiting
Australia
Use synonyms
 . There was a large gap in the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 from the remaining two countries. The
number
Use synonyms
 of visitors was 800,000 in one country
while
Linking Words
 that was just a half from another country, amounting to 400,000 in 2005.
However
Linking Words
, in 2015, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 from the
UK
Use synonyms
 and the US to
Australia
Use synonyms
 was similar,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of Japanese
tourists
Use synonyms
 was the lowest among these countries. Noticeably, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 who chose to stay at resorts during
holidays
Use synonyms
 started at 1,600,000 and
then
Linking Words
 surged to a peak of 2,500,000 in 2010 before dropping
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
low of only 1,000,000 in 2015.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going backpacking during
holidays
Use synonyms
 increased steadily from 2005 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
tourists
Correct quantifier usage
number of tourists
show examples
 to
Australia
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trajectory in the
UK
Use synonyms
 and the US from 2005 to 2015,
while
Linking Words
 the Japanese decreased moderately during the same period.
Although
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tourists
Use synonyms
 staying at resorts
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
holidays
Use synonyms
 witnessed fluctuation, its change was far less significant from 2005 to 2015,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of people attracted to other types of
holidays
Use synonyms
 rose.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, tourists, australia, uk, holidays with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 9 times.
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