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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic: The bar chart below shows the number of men and women studying engineering at Australian universities. Summarise the information in the chart by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.

Topic: The bar chart below shows the number of men and women studying engineering at Australian universities. Summarise the information in the chart by selecting and reporting the main features. Make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the amount of male and female learning engineering at Australian universities in three different years,
decade
Add an article
a decade
show examples
 apart (1992, 2002, 2012).
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 studying engineering was significantly more than that of women over the period.
However
Linking Words
, we can observe
increasing
Add an article
an increasing
show examples
 trend in the amount of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 studying the same discipline. With regard to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
, engineering was
initially
Linking Words
 far more popular
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 gender than
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite one.
This
Linking Words
 fact is clearly demonstrated in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1992,
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 accounted for 14000 and women only for 2000. In the following years, 2002 and 2012,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 statistics of
men
Use synonyms
 learning engineering decreased to 12000
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but stood at the same level for both years.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, women’s interest in engineering was not high at the beginning, only 2000 girls in 1992. But, it showed
stable
Add an article
a stable
show examples
 increase over the period given. In 2002, we see that
this
Linking Words
 figure doubled reaching 4000, which was 1\3 of the
men
Use synonyms
’s number in the same year.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in 2012, women constituted
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 studying
this
Linking Words
 program in a respective year, getting to 6000 females.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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