IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Organized tour to remote areas and community is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and the environment? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, there have been many debates about how governments should assign public funds
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 healthy areas. Some people believe that more money should be invested in promoting a healthy life in order to prevent
disease
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,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that the
treatment
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 of people who are already ill should be
top
Correct article usage
a top
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prioritizes
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priority
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. I strongly agree that preventing illness through public
health
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 initiatives is more effective and sustainable in the long term. On the hand , preventing illness is generally
cost -effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 than
treatment
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. Preventive measures
such
Linking Words
 as encouraging physical activity, healthy eating, and regular check-ups can mitigate the risk of chronic
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disease
Change the noun form
diseases
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 like diabetes , heart
disease
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 and obesity because these conditions are often more expensive and life-threatening for
treatment
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 and long-term
care
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. By investing in awareness campaigns, education programs, and
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 foods, the government can reduce
significant
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the significant
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 financial burden on
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health
Add an article
the health
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care
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system
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , in
covid
Correct your spelling
COVID
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 pandemic has shown that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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prevention will be less costly
as well as
Linking Words
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduces
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 the risk of
disease
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 in many people , preventive measures provided an average economic benefit of $1278 ,
also
Linking Words
treatment
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cost
Wrong verb form
costs
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 approximately $4115 , being more than three times the other .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , promoting healthy lifestyles
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 enhance the quality of life for the citizens . For
instant
Replace the word
instance
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, in Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
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, local
health
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 authorities have launched community fitness programs in public parks . These initiatives have not only increased public awareness of common
health
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 risks but
also
Linking Words
 helped detect early signs of chronic
Use synonyms
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as hypertension and diabetes .
As a result
Linking Words
 , hospitals have reported fewer emergency admissions related to preventable conditions , easing pressure on overcrowded medical facilities .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , despite the clear benefit of prevention
treatment
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 must not be overlooked . Many diseases
such
Linking Words
 as cancer m genetic disorders and accidents ,
cant not
Correct your spelling
cannot
show examples
 be prevented through preventive measures . Patients suffering from
these condition
Change the determiner
this condition
these conditions
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 need timely and effective medical
care
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 . Neglecting
treatment
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 services would be unethical and could lead to higher mortality rates .
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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, a portion of public funds must be reserved to maintain hospital facilities support medical staff and provide access to life-saving
treatment
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 .
For example
Linking Words
, in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
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, during the
covid –19
Correct your spelling
COVID–19
 pandemic m public hospitals
plays
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play
show examples
 a critical role in treating severe cases and
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
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 the collapse of
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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system
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 .
This
Linking Words
 shows that
treatment
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 services must be
well –funded
Correct your spelling
well–funded
show examples
 to deal with emergencies and complex medical
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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. In conclusion , both prevention and
treatment
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 are vital
role
Change the noun form
roles
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
functional
Add an article
the functional
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 healthcare
system
Use synonyms
 .
While
Linking Words
 investment in promoting
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 can mitigate pressure on
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
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care
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 , funding for
treatment
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 remains essential to address immediate and unavoidable
health
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 issues . A
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 approach that
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 both strategies is the most intelligent and sustainable for the future .

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task response
Your introduction is clear, but make sure to include a brief overview of both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Some points lack clear links to the main idea. Use more connecting words to improve flow.
task response
Try to correct grammar mistakes and enhance sentence structures for better clarity.
task response
You provide examples which show your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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