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Band 5.5

Some systems require students to specialize in a limited range of subjects from the age of fifteen. Other systems require students to study a wide range of subjects until they leave school. What are the benefits of these two education systems and which is better?

Education systems around the world vary in structure, especially when it comes to the level of subject specialization expected from
students
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. Some systems require teenagers to focus on a few chosen
subjects
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 from the age of fifteen,
while
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 others encourage a broad curriculum until the end of secondary education. Both approaches have their own advantages, and the better system often depends on the individual student’s goals and learning style. Specializing early allows
students
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 to develop in-depth knowledge and skills in areas they are passionate about.
For example
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, a student interested in engineering can focus more on mathematics and physics, gaining a head start for university and future careers.
This
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 system can
also
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 reduce stress, as
students
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 are not forced to study
subjects
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 they find difficult or irrelevant.
Furthermore
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, it can make learning more engaging and tailored to individual interests.
On the other hand
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, studying a wide range of
subjects
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 keeps
students
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 more well-rounded. It helps them develop diverse skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, communication, and creativity, which are essential in most professions.
Additionally
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, it gives
students
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 more time to explore their interests before making decisions that could impact their career path.
This
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 is particularly useful for
students
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 who are unsure about their future goals. In my opinion, a broader curriculum is better for most
students
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. At fifteen, many teenagers are still discovering their strengths and interests. Giving them more time and exposure to different
subjects
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 can lead to more informed and confident choices later in life.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly present both sides of the argument in equal detail.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points, as this can help to strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words more to connect your ideas better, which will help the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that summarizes the main points, which is well done.
Task Achievement
You present relevant arguments for both education systems, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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