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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from2010 to 2016

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from2010 to 2016
The line graph compares the average
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 at four different hospital
clinics
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 between 2010 and 2016
Overall
Linking Words
, the four
clinics
Use synonyms
 experienced different trends in the time period.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
patients
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visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 the Birth control showed a downward trend, the dental
clinics
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 displayed a considerable increase with minor fluctuation.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the eye
clinics
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 rose rapidly
while
Linking Words
patients
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 in the Diabetic
clinics
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 experienced an increase with minor variation. The graph shows the
number
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 of weekly
patients
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 at the Birth Control
clinic
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 started at just under 250 in 2010. Which was followed by a slight increase to 280 in 2021.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, its decline gradually was recorded at approximately 180 in 2014, by the way,
this
Linking Words
 trend grew gradually until it reached just under 250 in 2014.
Regarding the
Change preposition
The
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of weekly
patients
Use synonyms
 to the dental
clinic
Use synonyms
 started at 100 in 2010. Which was followed by a considerable decrease to just over 50 in 2012. But
then
Linking Words
 their
number
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 experienced considerable growth until it reached approximately 160 in 2014
In contrast
Linking Words
, the eye
clinic
Use synonyms
 started at 125 in 2010. In 2012, exactly 150
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
patients
Use synonyms
 were visited, but
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 gradually increased reaching the maximum level of 350 in 2016. The case of the amount of
patients
Use synonyms
 who visited
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Diabetic
clinic
Use synonyms
 started slightly under 50 in 2010 and
this
Linking Words
 trend increased slightly to nearly 100 in 2012.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 remained steady until 2014. But
as a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure gradually increased approximately to 175 in 2016

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast, subsequently, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, patients, clinics, clinic with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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