IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think living in countryside will have a healthier lifestyle. Some people believe living in city has more health benefits. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Some dwellers consider that living in urban
areas
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 can have more benefits on
life
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, and others believe that living in rural
areas
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 is more beneficial to
health
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. From my perspective, living in
cities
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 is a better choice which can have more advantages on
health
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 and
life
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. Advocates of countryside
life
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 often highlight the natural environment and slow pace of
life
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. The environment in rural
areas
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 is more clean and less polluted, which keeps individuals away from diseases.
People
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 living in undeveloped
areas
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Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, may consume pure water and food without poison in comparison
of
Change preposition
to
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 city dwellers, which may lead to a longer lifetime.
Moreover
Linking Words
, countryside
life
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 usually contains more physical activity,
such
Linking Words
 as gardening, which helps
people
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 to have enough exercise.
As a result
Linking Words
, it can prevent individuals from being obese and reduce the risk of
related-diseases
Correct your spelling
related diseases
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, supporters of city-
life
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 living point out the availability of
health
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 facilities
,
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apply
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 and
health
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-related services. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
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 facilities
situate
Change the form of the verb
situated
show examples
 in
cities
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, no matter clinics or medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, which helps the citizens to be more available to these facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, dwellers in
cities
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 can be cured in time and prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
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death, even if emergencies occur.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
health
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-related services are more popular in
cities
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.
For example
Linking Words
, citizens can visit gyms easily and choose exercises, which are suitable for them,
such
Linking Words
 as yoga for the elderly.
People
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 can
also
Linking Words
 purchase organic daily consumptions from supermarkets
,
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apply
show examples
 and even have suggestions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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diets from nutritionists, which can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier diets. In conclusion, the advantages of living in rural
areas
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 are the availability
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthier environment and sufficient
physic
Correct your spelling
physics
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 activities,
while
Linking Words
 the benefits of having a city
life
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 are the convenience
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 services. In my opinion, it is more important to be cured immediately, no matter small diseases or emergencies,
while
Linking Words
people
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 can still obtain unpolluted food in
cities
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 through organic shops.
Therefore
Linking Words
, living in
cities
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more advantages from my perspective.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer. Make sure to state both views before giving your opinion clearly at the end of the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more effectively, like 'first', 'second', 'however', to help connect ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
Expand on examples a bit more to make your points stronger. For instance, give more detail about how city health services save lives.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument which shows good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion clearly.
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