IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, Most countries attempt to improve their
environment
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 in many aspects. It has been claimed that
people
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 are not able to enhance
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environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
However
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, authorities and large businesses have a great
role
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 in
this
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 trend.
Although
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 it is beneficial to improve
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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,
this
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 does not mean that without improvement the country is not suitable for living. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons for individuals to enhance
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environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
.
First,
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they can reduce our pollution through using public transportation rather than using their own cars.
As a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 the gas emissions will be reduced and the road as well. Customers can avoid using plastic bags as they are dangerous to the
environment
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.
Consequently
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, they use raw bags to protect the
environment
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.
However
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, individuals do not have a significant
role
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to enhance
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in enhancing
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 because they are not able to place
policies
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 and do not have financial support as well.
On the other hand
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, authorities and big
business
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businesses
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 have an important
role
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to refine
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in refining
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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,
hence
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 they have good financial support which can assist in different
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
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 to improve
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 like
enhancement
Correct article usage
the enhancement
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 of infrastructure, building a new garden and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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people
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 to recycle.
For example
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,
Enhancement
Correct article usage
the Enhancement
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 of infrastructure and building underground helps
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environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 from gas emissions which leads to clean air.
Moreover
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, governments have to set
policies
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. To explain, Placing
policies
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 to protect
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environment
Add an article
the environment
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such
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 as prevent using old cars,
plastic
Correct word choice
and plastic
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 bags to avoid picking flowers,
also
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 encouraging
people
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 to start
green
Correct article usage
a green
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society which leads to
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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 atmosphere and doing
conference
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conferences
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 to allow
people
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 to be more aware
about
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of
show examples
 the
important
Replace the word
importance
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 of
environment
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. In my opinion, I totally agree that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and large
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 have a crucial
role
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to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 the
environment
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 by giving financial support and doing campaigns to spread awareness
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
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 to protect their
environment
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. In conclusion, Authorities are responsible
to improve
Change preposition
for improving
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 as they are able to put
policies
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 to protect it
such
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 as using public transportation. I encourage all
people
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 to avoid using any materials that might affect the
environment
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 in
negative
Change the article
a negative
show examples
 way.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This helps the reader follow your thoughts better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This makes your argument stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words (like 'first', 'next', 'finally') to connect your ideas smoothly.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and state it in the introduction and conclusion. This is important for the task.
task achievement
You recognized the roles of individuals and governments, showing awareness of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
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