IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In a number countries, some people think that it is necessary to spend large sum of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Other belives that the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 people think it is necessary to invest large amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 into the construction of new
railway
Use synonyms
 lines for fast
travel
Use synonyms
 between cities. Others argue that the
money
Use synonyms
 is better
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on improving the existing transport.
This
Linking Words
 essay wants to discuss both views and show why
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe working on existing lines is more
cost efficient
Add a hyphen
cost-efficient
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. On the one hand, many
trains
Use synonyms
 that go between big cities are slowed down
due to
Linking Words
 regional
trains
Use synonyms
 stopping in every other village.
This
Linking Words
 could be prevented by building new tracks reserved for fast
trains
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 only stopping at busy
railway
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 stations.
Travel
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 time can be shortened, the risk of late arrival diminishes and
travel
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 by
train
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 becomes more attractive.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, more people would
travel
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 by
train
Use synonyms
, which in return helps the climate and
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
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 traffic on the streets.
However
Linking Words
, building new
railway
Use synonyms
 tracks costs a
lot
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 of
money
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, requires a
lot
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 of planning
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 infrastructure behind it and each track takes several years
o
Change preposition
to
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 build.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, using existing tracks leaves the opportunity
on
Change preposition
for
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 improvement of those lines.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved by spending the
money
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 on new tracks around small
train
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 stations where the fast
trains
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 can´t stop.
Therefore
Linking Words
, regional
trains
Use synonyms
 could wait for the intercity
train
Use synonyms
 to overtake them at
railway
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 stations.
This
Linking Words
 allows both the slow and fast
trains
Use synonyms
 to use the same tracks and saves a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 on track building.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 requires a
lot
Use synonyms
 of planning routes between slow and fast
trains
Use synonyms
, but
gain
Correct subject-verb agreement
gains
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 the same benefits which new tracks give,
while
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 saving a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 new tracks improve the
travel
Use synonyms
 times significantly, it only makes
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 if there are enough people taking the
train
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 to cover the cost. Rebuilding existing tracks can save a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 and with the right planning improve intercity
travel
Use synonyms
 as well. I firmly believe that improving the tracks is a much more
cost efficient
Add a hyphen
cost-efficient
show examples
 approach for nearly the same results.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each paragraph to guide the reader.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments.
language accuracy
Make sure to proofread for small mistakes, like 'i' instead of 'I'.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views on railway investment.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly states your opinion and summarizes the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • sustainable development
  • environmentally friendly
  • cost-effective
  • public transport
  • maintenance issues
  • demographic
  • modernization
  • accessibility
  • commuters
  • traffic congestion
  • private vehicles
  • urban
  • rural
  • balanced approach
  • transportation needs
What to do next:
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