IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, more and more people decide to live in other countries for studying or working.
However
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, a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 is the first obstacle they need to overcome.
Otherwise
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, it may bring a lot of trouble in various aspects. In my opinion, learning
domestic
Add an article
a domestic
the domestic
show examples
language
Use synonyms
 is necessary for each immigrant.
Firstly
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,
language
Use synonyms
 is the key to communicating with other people, no matter whether foreigners are working or studying, which is a fundamental skill they need to acquire.
Secondly
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, learning a
language
Use synonyms
 would enhance foreigners to fit
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the local society. Since it is not only for literacy
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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 for cultural understanding. If immigrants would like to pursue a better life quality in living countries, it is a mandatory process for them.
By contrast
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, there are several immigrants
reject
Correct pronoun usage
who reject
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 to learn languages, even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 have been living in other countries for many years. From my perspective, it is not
a
Change the article
an
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 encrouageable behavior. The main reason is that they cannot get involved in the society where they live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. As
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
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, it might impact their financial circumstance, because they cannot find a job. What's more, they are incapable of getting public services,
for instance
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, health care, because they cannot talk with doctors.
Therefore
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, they could be legalized by the whole society.
Then
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, a series of social issues,
such
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 as poverty and high criminal
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
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, would occur in those groups. All in all, learning a domestic
language
Use synonyms
 is necessary for foreigners.
This
Linking Words
 is a crucial step to becoming a qualified citizen.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stay focused on it throughout.
task achievement
Add more examples or details to support your main points and make your ideas clearer.
grammar
Check grammar for mistakes, such as "encrouageable" which should be "encouraging".
task achievement
You clearly state your opinion and the importance of learning the domestic language.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
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