IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people believe that living in large urban areas can lead to health issues. I agree to some extent, and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons and provide a solid conclusion.
Firstly
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, big cities need a large number of electricity that's why there is a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
 amount of thermal power plants that generate pollution nearby. And it affects
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 they are breathing all that pollution and it leads to health problems. To solve
this
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, the government should invest in parks or green spaces because Trees and greenspaces absorb pollution and generate clear oxygen.
Secondly
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,
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 who live in cities often have issues with
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
such
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 as obesity and high blood pressure
due to
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 populated fast
food
Use synonyms
 companies that are located almost in every corner of the
city
Use synonyms
, with aggressive marketing. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is accessible and cheap making
nation
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
 choose junk
food
Use synonyms
 rather than healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Thirdly
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, cities nowadays, are offering flexible and accessible physical training routines
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 gyms and sports clubs. often population work in offices and have issues with physical training, because, humans do less exercise
due to
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 jobs
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however
Add the comma(s)
, however
show examples
, a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of citizens that live in the
city
Use synonyms
 often visit the gym. Often governments are investing in marathons or other sports activities that make individuals' lives healthier.
To sum
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up
Add a comma
up,
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 there are many factors to living in the
city
Use synonyms
 but, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 good reasons outweigh bad reasons for living in a
city
Use synonyms
 so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would recommend
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in a large urban
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
show examples

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the structure of your essay by using clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples that directly support your points, especially in the second paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your grammar and punctuation to enhance readability.
task achievement
You have a strong opinion and provide some reasons for your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • respiratory issues
  • pollution
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • noise pollution
  • health facilities
  • mental health
  • physical activities
  • nature contact
  • health problems
What to do next:
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