IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that the government should ban all forms of advertising because it can influence people to buy unnecessary things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People
Use synonyms
 would get
advantage
Add an article
the advantage
show examples
 of prohibition
all
Change preposition
of all
show examples
 sorts of
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
. Despite the fact that some advertisements have useful information about
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
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 and
people
Use synonyms
 will be informed about jobs,I agree that some of them are really nonessential and even have negative impacts. It goes without saying that some
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
 will have a detrimental impact on young age
people
Use synonyms
 and even can lead to overconsumption. It means that some adults can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical or mental effects from nonessential
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 children watching some movies and instantly
facing with
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 announcements. These announcements will be considered with harmful consumptions
such
Linking Words
 as chips and fizzy drinks after watching these commercials children force their parents
buying
Change the verb form
to buy
show examples
 harmful products that can lead to health issues. Aside from that some commercials have positive impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as finding
job
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a job
show examples
 or
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 informed about discount offers in shopping centres.In
this
Linking Words
 sense advertisement companies hire employees which
downward
Add a missing verb
has downward
show examples
 unemployment rates in
country
Add an article
the country
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. When
in
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 comes to health care, advertisements that inform
people
Use synonyms
 about their facilities save
people
Use synonyms
 time and energy. In conclusion, despite the fact that some commercials are useless, most of them have
useful
Add an article
the useful
a useful
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 impact 
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 consumers.

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task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your main point directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to make your ideas flow better, like 'firstly', 'however', and 'in addition'.
task achievement
Include more examples to support your points, especially in your body paragraphs.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You make a valid point about the impact of advertisements on children.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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