IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The limited budgets of governments, especially those in developing countries, are better spent on health and education than on employment-generating projects. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Nowadays, funds
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 crucial for all governments to maintain the
countries’
Check wording
country’s
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 business and people living. When the governments, especially the ones in developing
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 are running out of funds, they need to be more conservative on their cost allocation. Some people believed that the government should
reserve
Verb problem
allocate
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 more money
on
Change preposition
to
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health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
instead
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 of projects initiated by job
employment
Check wording
creation
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. From my perspective, I agree with
this
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 as they are more critical to the country’s development. My reasons will be
further
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 explained in
this
Linking Words
 essay with supporting examples.
Health
Use synonyms
 significantly affects people’s activity regardless of their age. If more money
investment
Check wording
apply
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is
made
Verb problem
invested
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on
Change preposition
in
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 medical privileges
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as offering
subsidy
Correct article usage
a subsidy
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 for
health
Use synonyms
 insurance, residents would be encouraged to take care of
physical
Correct pronoun usage
their physical
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 and mental
health
Use synonyms
 by doing medical checkups regularly.
Besides
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, they would be more willing to take medication whenever they have any sickness, so
to
Correct word choice
as to
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get
Verb problem
apply
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recovered
Wrong verb form
recover
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fast
Replace the word
faster
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. With the
government
Check wording
government's
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 help on
health
Use synonyms
 welfare, workers can stay healthy easily and be more productive at work,
thus
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 to have more contribution to the market economy. Apart from
health
Use synonyms
,
education
Use synonyms
 is
also
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 indispensable to all of us as it allows us to be more knowledgeable.
For instance
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, learning science and technology at schools can lead students to be savvy about
such
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 areas,
thus
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 to apply their skills
into
Change preposition
in
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 their
job
Check wording
apply
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career when they grow up. Compared to the employees with less
education
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, highly educated employees tend to be more intelligent
that
Correct word choice
so that
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 they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 work smarter and quicker.
Hence
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, they could have higher work production. In conclusion, both
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 have higher importance
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
a
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countries’
Check wording
country’s
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 development than projects that require job workers, despite some governments may
have
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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funds. Without having good
health
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
, citizens would not be able to put more effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 strengthening and maintaining the country’s market economy.

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task achievement
Try to make your introduction clearer and more direct in stating your opinion. You could say, 'I completely agree that health and education should receive more funding.'
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to help organize your paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a sentence that tells the reader what the paragraph will be about.
task achievement
Make sure to explain why your examples are important. Sometimes you mentioned good examples but didn’t explain how they support your point clearly.
task achievement
Your discussion of health and education is relevant and shows understanding of their importance.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that sums up your main ideas well.
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