IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.
The bar chart illustrates the data and proportion
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Japapnese
Correct your spelling
Japanese
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 travelling
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
decade
Correct word choice
past decade
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the other line graph depicts the
Japanese
Use synonyms
 tourism to Australia from a
year
Use synonyms
 1984 to 1985.
Overall
Linking Words
, The
Japanese
Use synonyms
was traveled
Verb problem
travellers
show examples
 in ten years
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
marginally increased
Correct word order
increased marginally
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 10
million
Use synonyms
 tourists,
while
Linking Words
 the line graph shows
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
data
Check wording
number
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
visit
Use the right word
visitors to
show examples
Austarlia
Correct your spelling
Australia
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 significantly increased over the decade.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
 people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 travelling abroad, was
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 gradually till
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1990
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 above 10
million
Use synonyms
 people, after that it
was raising
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 slowly till 1994. After
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 was
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
 suddenly and
gone
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up to 14
million
Use synonyms
travelers
Use the right word
travellers
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1994, so
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the japanese
show examples
japanese
Fix capitalization
Japanese
show examples
 started travelling more
from
Change preposition
over
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 10 years.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Japanese
Use synonyms
 who visited Australia from
Use synonyms
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
1984 to 1995
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
gained
Verb problem
increased
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
noticeable
Correct article usage
a noticeable
show examples
 rate, from
Use synonyms
year
Check wording
apply
show examples
1984 it
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
climbed to 2
million
Use synonyms
 people
till
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1985.
Than
Use the right word
Then
show examples
 after
was gone
Wrong verb form
that it went
show examples
 up till 1988, after that
was slight
Verb problem
it
show examples
 went down
in
Rephrase
slightly in
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
year
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 again was started gone up till 1993 and
agin
Correct your spelling
again
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
year
Use synonyms
 and finished at
Correct article usage
a whooping
show examples
whooping
Use the right word
whopping
show examples
 6
million
Use synonyms
 passengers in
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 1994.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, year, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas tourists
  • chart analysis
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • tourist trends
  • economic factors
  • promotional activities
  • visa policies
  • cultural influences
  • social factors
  • culmination of trends
  • speculation
  • preference shifts
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