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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children can learn effectivel by watching television. Therefore they shol db eencouraged to watch television regularly at home an dat school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Television
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 displays a number of shows and programs which enhance the knowledge of
children
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. It is suggested that parents and teachers should encourage the
children
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 to spend maximum
time
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 on the
screen
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 regularly. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 there are multiple disadvantages of being in contact with
television
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 shows,
such
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 as addiction to the
screen
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 and academic downfalls despite the information that TV shows provide.
Firstly
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, the students who spend most of their
time
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 watching cartoons, movies and animations are at a risk of getting addicted to those shows. The content in these programs entertains the viewer and generates curiosity to watch more episodes.
Children
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 who get habitual to watching
television
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 on a daily basis become stubborn and insist
their
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that their
show examples
 parents and guardians
allowing
Wrong verb form
allow
show examples
 them to watch the shows.
For instance
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, a recent news report in India demonstrated that a twelve-year-old boy committed suicide because his parents restricted his
screen
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time
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.
Thus
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, too much leniency in watching
television
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 can have negative implications
in
Change preposition
for
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 the development of a child , leading to consequences
such
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 as the risk of harm.
Additionally
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, relying on
television
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 shows to acquire knowledge impacts the academic success of a student.
Children
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 who are more prone to watching movies and other entertainment series avoid reading books and practising the subjects , which
consequently
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 leads to poor grades in exams.
For example
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, there are many shows that misguide the interest of
children
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 from studies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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children
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 lose their interest in studying theoretical content , which leads to lower marks.
Therefore
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, youngsters are at risk of being misguided by
television
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 shows and may reduce their efforts to get high scores in academics.
To conclude
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, though there are informative content
produced
Verb problem
is produced
show examples
 by channels but
screen
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time
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 should be allowed in moderation , as encouraging
children
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 to watch shows on
screen
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 may cause addiction and reluctance to study.

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Task Response
Try to give more examples or points to support your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are connected and flow well to each other.
Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
Task Achievement
You provided good examples to support your points about addiction and academic impact.
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