IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays famous people are photographed by professional photographers everywhere they go. Some people say this is a good thing because the public are interested in their lives. Other people think that photographers are wrong to follow famous people. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, many
well known
Use the right word
well-known
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are followed by photographers to take photos of them and share them
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
puplic
Correct your spelling
public
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 behaviour is appreciated by some
people
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that it has several drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 famous
people
Use synonyms
's lives. From some
people
Use synonyms
's perspective,
every
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
day
Use the right word
everyday
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 of famous
people
Use synonyms
 should be shared and shown to
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their interest. They believe that they are
people
Use synonyms
's role models
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 many individuals try to imitate their lifestyles
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the food they eat, the clothing they wear, their physical and mental activities, and their relationships.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they request
these
Correct word choice
that these
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 photos
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
be shared
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 various accessible social media platforms.
This
Linking Words
 can be exemplified by the fact that many pictures and videos of
every
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 day
life
Use synonyms
 of famous footballers and artists like
Pique
Use the right word
Piqué
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 and Shakira are
broadcasted
Wrong verb form
broadcast
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 television, internet websites and other platforms.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend could be destructive for famous
people
Use synonyms
. Since the
life
Use synonyms
 of prominent
people
Use synonyms
 is always observed by
people
Use synonyms
, they should be neat and tidy all the time and consider their behaviour every moment.
This
Linking Words
 is too suffering for them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 most of them do not have a convenient
life
Use synonyms
 because every small mistake in their behaviour can threaten their fame.
As a result
Linking Words
, many of them prefer to keep themselves away from photographers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy
wathching
Correct your spelling
watching
 prominent
people
Use synonyms
's lives to copy them as their role models, it can bother famous
people
Use synonyms
 who are observed most of the time and judged by
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly states a main idea and supports it throughout the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your sentences and make your essay flow better.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, which will make your arguments stronger.
task achievement
Ensure you cover all aspects of the question. Each side of the argument needs to be fully developed.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and structure in your essay.
task achievement
You included relevant points that reflect on both sides of the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Celebrity status
  • Public interest
  • Invasion of privacy
  • Mental health impact
  • Media scrutiny
  • Personal freedom
  • Ethical considerations
  • Public figure
  • Consent
  • Balance
  • Surveillance
  • Unwanted photography
  • Admiration
  • Inspiration
  • Intrusive
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