IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is sometimes possible to pay somebody to do things you don't want to do, or don't have time to do, for example, household chores or looking after children. Is this a good way of providing work for others? Should people do these things themselves?

This
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 essay argues that nowadays we pay for someone to do things we do not have
time
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 to do,
for instance
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, housework or childcare. I believe that it is good to give other
people
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 a chance to
work
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. I do not think we should do
this
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work
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ourselvesif
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ourselves if
 we do not have
time
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; we can pay other
people
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 to do that to help us. On the one hand, when we pay for other
people
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 to do
work
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 we cannot do ourselves, we provide many
work
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 opportunities for those
people
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 who cannot find a job or who do not have
money
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 to complete their studies; they need any
work
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 just to earn
money
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, or they want to help their families to give them
money
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.
For example
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, in the U.S., a survey indicates that 50% of some
people
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 do housework or childcare for other
people
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, just to earn
money
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 to complete their studies.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 assume that we must do
this
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work
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 ourselves without depending on other
people
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. I believe
that is
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 the wrong way to pressure ourselves to do
work
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 we do not have
time
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 to do.
For example
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, in Japan, 70% of
peoplecommit
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people commit
 suicide because they pressure themselves to do all the
work
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 without letting other
people
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 help them. In conclusion, if we do not have
time
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 to do housework or care for our children, we can give
this
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work
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 to other
people
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 to do, without pressuring ourselves.

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task achievement
Make sure to explain your main ideas better and clearly. Provide more strong examples to support what you say.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas smoothly. Use linking words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'for example' to help.
task achievement
The essay has a clear opinion and shows that you believe in paying others for work.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and summarize your main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment opportunities
  • Economic contribution
  • Specialization
  • Efficiency
  • Work-life balance
  • Productivity
  • Leisure time
  • Stress reduction
  • Quality of work
  • Trained professionals
  • Dependency
  • Life skills
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Accomplishment
What to do next:
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