IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Politics and science are the
main two
Correct word order
two main
show examples
 domains which influence
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some believe that politicians have more
influence
Punctuation problem
influence,
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while
Linking Words
 others say that scientists are the greatest influencers.
As well as
Linking Words
, the main agenda of
this
Linking Words
 impending composition is to discuss
views
Correct article usage
the views
show examples
 of
both
Use synonyms
 and give
certitude
Check wording
certainty
show examples
 as to why I think
both
Use synonyms
 are equal. First of all, politicians are the
law makers
Use the right word
lawmakers
show examples
 as they manage the whole nation. They are implemented to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disputes in some places.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, they make sure everyone lives with equality and nobody is better than anyone. Governments make more campaigns to aware the
people
Use synonyms
 about the future and make programs that individuals can be influenced by.
Also
Linking Words
, it results in the
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 growth and reaching the top in the world. Scientists are not behind in inspiring someone as they make new scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 to make
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 easier and provide them
tools
Change preposition
with tools
show examples
 to make their future great.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 feel encouraged by science
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
 as they provide information about most things
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 climate change, pollution and
animals
Punctuation problem
animals,
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 to make sure that everything is being
analyzed
Use the right word
analysed
show examples
 and steps are being taken to
restrain from
Verb problem
address
show examples
 these issues.
As a result
Linking Words
, a person
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 more confident and
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 inspiration from scientists to develop new habits and change their lifestyle. I neither agree
or
Correct word choice
nor
show examples
 disagree, because
both
Use synonyms
 make
feel
Correct pronoun usage
us feel
show examples
 encouraged and important in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. As they provide essential data and develop the country to a bright future. So,
Linking Words
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the end, I think their views are equal and influence
people
Use synonyms
. To infer,
both
Use synonyms
 are important and play their individual roles in today's society.

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task achievement
Improve the clarity of your introduction by clearly stating your opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words between paragraphs to improve flow, such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion'.
task achievement
Add more specific examples of policies or scientific discoveries to support your points.
task achievement
You covered both views well and provided your opinion clearly at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your points about the roles of politicians and scientists are relevant and important.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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