IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe teenagers should focus on all subjects equally, whereas other people think that they should concentrate on only those subjects that they find interesting and they are best at. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, educational orientation is regarded as a controversial ISSUE
launching
Punctuation problem
, launching
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argument
Fix the agreement mistake
arguments
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 about whether youngsters should adopt a balanced approach to all academic curricula// learn a well-rounded curriculum or SOLELY select topics that ignite their interests and
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 expertise. SOLELY PURSUE WHAT THEY HAVE A GREAT PASSION FOR.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both aspects prior to concluding
PRESENTING
Punctuation problem
, PRESENTING
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/ EXPRESSING/ GIVING/ PROVIDING my OWN perspective.
Specialized
Use the right word
Specialised
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 learners are believed to concentrate solely on their
specialization
Use the right word
specialisation
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 for self-motivation and significant academic achievement.
This
Linking Words
 statement assumes that enthusiasm generates a desire to study and encourages them to work harder, resulting in better performance without any pressure.
For example
Linking Words
, people with artistic skills should
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
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 in design courses
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are ideal environments to foster their aptitude, eventually exposing them to deeper insight into their chosen field.
This
Linking Words
 approach equips teenagers with inclination, a sense of purpose and direction, which is absolutely necessary for future career choices.
Conversely
Linking Words
, others, including myself, advocate that students are supposed to pay equal attention to all subjects. It is apparent that mastering many curricula helps them bond with other friends by initiating various conversations. Following that, those people easily adjust themselves to a variety of conditions
,
Punctuation problem
;
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in other words
Linking Words
, they maintain flexibility and adaptability.
For instance
Linking Words
, if adolescents study only
humanities
Correct article usage
the humanities
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, they are not able to enhance logical thinking and
problem - solving
Use the right word
problem-solving
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 skills that are usually acquired through
science
Correct article usage
a science
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 course
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as math.
Therefore
Linking Words
, approaching equally all aspects furnishes learners with not only
comprehensive
Correct article usage
a comprehensive
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 skill set but
also
Linking Words
 prevention from unemployment and stable relationships. There is no doubt that optional subjects offer learners the desire and development of self-determination.
However
Linking Words
, I retain my view that the former approach is more beneficial, making them stand out against other peers by absorbing extensive knowledge, creating connections and versatile abilities, markedly crucial for today’s world.

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introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points of the essay. Make your stance clear at the end of the introduction.
coherence
Use more linking phrases to connect your ideas smoothly, like 'Firstly', 'In addition', and 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments, which will help make your ideas clearer and stronger.
content
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and makes clear points about both views.
organization
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good foundation.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • interdisciplinary
  • well-rounded knowledge
  • specialized skills
  • passion-driven learning
  • unforeseen future demands
  • balanced approach
  • academic strengths
  • diversified education
  • curriculum breadth
  • specialization
  • career prospects
  • personal development
  • cognitive flexibility
  • adaptability
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