The pie charts below show the selected causes of death as a percentage of all deaths of registered Indians and the total population in 1992.

The pie charts below show the selected causes of death as a percentage of all deaths of registered Indians and the total population in 1992.
IELTS Writing Task Chart for The pie charts below show the selected causes of death as a percentage of all deaths of registered Indians and the total population in 1992.
The pie chart demonstrates the evaluated percentage of different causes of death in the 18-22 age group. The stat is based on 19,548 cases.
Overall
Linking Words
, the vast majority of deaths occurred
due to
Linking Words
unnatural causes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in almost half of the observed cases, a death was
as
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result
Replace the word
resulted
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
an accident. In detail, unlike an aged population, only around 7% of young people died because of a health condition
such
Linking Words
as cancer or heart disease.
Instead
Linking Words
, accidents played a leading role in the mortality of the young population , making up about 44,2 per cent of death causes.
However
Linking Words
, mental illness led to 8,1% of deaths
exceeding
Punctuation problem
, exceeding
show examples
the mortality of previously mentioned diseases.
Additionally
Linking Words
, crime
also
Linking Words
had a significant impact. So, almost 14% of 18 to
22-year-old
Correct your spelling
22-year-olds
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
became victims of murderers.
Finally
Linking Words
, more than a quarter of cases were caused by different factors which are not covered in
this
Linking Words
chart and are indicated as "other".

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • mortality rates
  • cardiovascular diseases
  • neoplasms (cancers)
  • chronic diseases
  • infectious diseases
  • statistical significance
  • preventable causes
  • health disparities
  • lifestyle factors
  • epidemiological data
  • public health
  • socioeconomic factors
  • medical conditions
  • healthcare access
What to do next:
Look at other essays: