IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge orexperience.

In today’s world,
People
Use synonyms
 are being more
informative
Correct word choice
informed
show examples
 and educated about their
health
Use synonyms
. With the advancement of technology and the
media
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 are understanding their
health
Use synonyms
 and how to maintain it. I strongly agree that the more we go into the future
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 higher the average of an
individuals
Check wording
individual's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 will be. Back in the old
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 used to die
due to
Linking Words
 a fever
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
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could never happen today
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 medical
knowledge
Use synonyms
 that we have today is not the same as
last
Linking Words
 year
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 advancing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we are understanding more about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, medical technology is peaking with the use of ai, some medical devices don’t need a doctor or a nurse to use and could be easily used by any individual that has little
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about it, and the best example is the new watches, they detect heart attacks before the attack and some reads the blood pressure and glucose levels of the body so no need for a doctor to check them and
this
Linking Words
 was not available a couple of years ago.Another major improvement is the pharmaceutical sector,creating new drugs for new diseases.
Media
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 plays an
import
Replace the word
important
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 role in educating
people
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 about their
health
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,
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.
show examples
they
Fix capitalization
They
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 used to advertise smoking in the
media
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with the passing of the
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 started to get educated about their
health
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they
forced
Verb problem
were forced
show examples
 to stop advertising it. With social
media
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nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
show examples
 you
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 connect with
anyone
Check wording
apply
show examples
healthcare providers and get the information or
knowledge
Use synonyms
 you need
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 wasn’t available before. In conclusion, I believe that in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
show examples
 the
averages
Fix the agreement mistake
average
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peoples
Check wording
people's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 will gradually increase and
that is
Linking Words
 all because of the advancement of medical
knowledge
Use synonyms
, devices,
social
Correct word choice
and social
show examples
media
Use synonyms
.

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task response
The introduction could be clearer by stating your position more directly. Try to make it clear from the beginning that you strongly agree with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Try to have a sentence that makes the main point of each paragraph clear.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas. Words like 'firstly,' 'moreover,' and 'in addition' can help the flow of your writing.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the example of medical technology improving health, which supports your points well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your view nicely and ties your ideas together well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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