IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries,owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Aliya. Why might this be a case? Do you think this is positive or negative situation?

The importance of having a own home rather than paying instalments for accommodation,which was always debatable,has now become more controversial with many
people
Use synonyms
 claiming that owning a property ,
such
Linking Words
 as a house, is beneficial,
while
Linking Words
 opponents express the thought that renting an apartment for living has a great influence. In my opinion,I strongly agree with the first proposition.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate merits and demerits of the given statement and will lead to a logical conclusion. Analysing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
,the first and foremost key benefit behind
this
Linking Words
 is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 belonging to own accommodating place causes to remain the rental fee being expended for improving the quality of life among family members. To cite an example, individuals who live in foreign countries
such
Linking Words
 as the United
Kingdomand
Correct your spelling
Kingdom and
, USA have to sacrifice half of their salary only for renting even a small single-story building.
Therefore
Linking Words
, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 have to engage with a part-time occupation to find a daily living fee for schooling children, fulfilling daily needs
Punctuation problem
, forth
show examples
forth
Use the right word
for
show examples
 like. On its darker side,some of the drawbacks which make it problematic are, in
this
Linking Words
 day and age, it is hard to either search and purchase a convenient location or installation fees for building your own new place for living are too high. To illustrate, purchasing land, equipment, ingredients and construction fees have skyrocketed nowadays , and the
people
Use synonyms
 of low and middle income groups are unable to spend those amounts to build a new building for themselves.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who migrate to another country
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
are always inclined to find rented accommodation to settle rather than building a house.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 a major underlying reason , as they might not be able to deposit any amount of money for their success.
Thus
Linking Words
, these factors will clearly corroborate the sense of my thoughts. In conclusion to the above statement, neither its pros nor its cons can be neglected . It is a mixed bag of positives and negatives. In my opinion, I believe having your own living place rather than being rented outweighs its drawbacks.
This
Linking Words
 , in turn, means, if anyone finds become hard to move to a new house, but if the person does it with effort ,it would be beneficial long term for our wallet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make your introduction clearer by stating your main ideas. This will help the reader know what to expect.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words (like 'firstly', 'however', 'for example') to connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points; this makes your arguments stronger.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion that owning a home is better, which is good for task response.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your thoughts well and ties everything together nicely.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: