IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social, and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Nowadays,
Children
Use synonyms
 have been facing a lot of
pressures
Use synonyms
 from academic, social and commercial aspects.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the causes of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 how to reduce these harmful
squeeze
Fix the agreement mistake
squeezes
show examples
. One main reason is academic pressure. In
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 have been facing more
Use synonyms
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
.
Parents
Use synonyms
 want to get
more
Correct word choice
better
show examples
 grades in exams
from
Change preposition
than
show examples
 other
childs
Correct your spelling
children
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they create more
Use synonyms
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to study more.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 expect good results, which makes
children
Use synonyms
 feel even more stressed. Another reason is social pressure. Social media has become more popular day by day.
Children
Use synonyms
 have been
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 trend mostly. Because of social media,
children
Use synonyms
 often compare themselves with others. They want to
good look
Correct word order
look good
show examples
 and get more reactions on their photos. When they can't make themself famous, they
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their confidence and ability. Commercial pressure is
also
Linking Words
 a big issue.
Children
Use synonyms
 see a lot of ads on TV, YouTube and Websites. Here
children
Use synonyms
 can see different toys,
fency
Correct your spelling
fancy
 clothes and gadgets that look exciting.
Children
Use synonyms
 want to buy them, even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 don't need them. When they don't find these things, they
make
Verb problem
may
show examples
 feel extra stress or may feel upset. To solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems, both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 must work together.
Parents
Use synonyms
 have to
resuce
Correct your spelling
relieve
Use synonyms
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
show examples
 on them.
Schools
Use synonyms
 have to focus on life skills lessons
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 only academic study.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should give enough time to their child to build
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life.
Parents
Use synonyms
 have to work
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reduce the
uses
Fix the agreement mistake
use
show examples
 of social media. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 are facing various
pressures
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
 and academic
places
Check wording
institutions
show examples
. To help them, we must give them support, teach them balance, and let them enjoy their childhood.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Make sure to use correct grammar and phrasing. For example, use 'the pressures' instead of 'this pressures' and 'other children' instead of 'other childs.'
content
Try to add more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your ideas clearer and stronger.
structure
Work on the overall structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and clearly connect to the next paragraph.
content
You explained clearly the causes of pressures that children face today.
content
Your ideas are relevant and show that you understand the topic well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • globalized world
  • competitive education system
  • social media influences
  • cyberbullying
  • commercial pressures
  • aggressive marketing
  • materialistic desires
  • peer pressure
  • high expectations
  • standardized testing
  • quantifiable performance
  • stress and anxiety
  • extracurricular achievements
What to do next:
Look at other essays: