In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.
Internet
has Correct article usage
The Internet
the
biggest role in changing human behaviour in the past few years because of the fast trend that shapes us in a way of living a better life Verb problem
had the
including
the beauty standards from all over the world. The terms of judging by its cover Punctuation problem
, including
also
applied to the person who believed that in order to Linking Words
be
fit in the Verb problem
apply
society
one must be the most outstanding in the roomPunctuation problem
society,
,
Punctuation problem
;
Linking Words
therefore
many Punctuation problem
therefore,
people
believe that the younger Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
looks
the chance to Correct subject-verb agreement
look
be
the most outstanding they might be. Verb problem
might be
Study
shows that 90% Correct article usage
A study
people
around Use synonyms
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
30
-45 Change preposition
of 30
more
likely to be praised Verb problem
are more
by
their looks than Change preposition
for
their
Change preposition
for their
brain
.
In my Fix the agreement mistake
brains
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
this
could lead to Linking Words
positive
impact Correct article usage
a positive
in
Change preposition
on
the
society, not only for the Correct article usage
apply
people
who want to Use synonyms
be appeared
younger than their ages Wrong verb form
appear
but
Punctuation problem
, but
also
Linking Words
the
circulation of the economy itself. Many beauty-influencer promote their daily routine for maintaining their looks by consuming vitamin, skincare routine, healthy lifestyle Change preposition
on the
such
as sport activity and facial treatments that involving amounts of Linking Words
money
to spend on those lists. The circulation of Use synonyms
money
that Use synonyms
spend
on Wrong verb form
is spent
healthy
routine could open Correct article usage
a healthy
the
opportunities in the market Correct article usage
apply
Linking Words
such
as Punctuation problem
, such
the
gluten-free Correct article usage
apply
product
, Fix the agreement mistake
products
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
store
, Fix the agreement mistake
stores
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
that
Correct word choice
who
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
vitamin
, Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
also
the beauty-clinic in all over the world.
The conclusion of Linking Words
this
idea is that the more Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
money
Use synonyms
spend
on appearance Wrong verb form
spent
the
more circulated amount of Punctuation problem
, the
money
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
is circulated in
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
Punctuation problem
society,
that
could possibly benefit Correct pronoun usage
which
to
the Change preposition
apply
people
and the market.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support. Try to elaborate more on each point you make.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your points. This will make them stronger and clearer.
content
You show an understanding of the topic and its relevance to society.
content
You make some good points about the economic benefits of spending on appearance.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite