IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In todays world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Internet
Correct article usage
The Internet
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 has
the
Verb problem
had the
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 biggest role in changing human behaviour in the past few years because of the fast trend that shapes us in a way of living a better life
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 the beauty standards from all over the world. The terms of judging by its cover
also
Linking Words
 applied to the person who believed that in order to
be
Verb problem
apply
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fit in the
society
Punctuation problem
society,
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 one must be the most outstanding in the room
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the younger
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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looks
Correct subject-verb agreement
look
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 the chance to
be
Verb problem
might be
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 the most outstanding they might be.
Study
Correct article usage
A study
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 shows that 90%
people
Use synonyms
 around
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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30
Change preposition
of 30
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-45
more
Verb problem
are more
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 likely to be praised
by
Change preposition
for
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 their looks than
their
Change preposition
for their
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brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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this
Linking Words
 could lead to
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 impact
in
Change preposition
on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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society, not only for the
people
Use synonyms
 who want to
be appeared
Wrong verb form
appear
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 younger than their ages
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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also
Linking Words
the
Change preposition
on the
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 circulation of the economy itself. Many beauty-influencer promote their daily routine for maintaining their looks by consuming vitamin, skincare routine, healthy lifestyle
such
Linking Words
 as sport activity and facial treatments that involving amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 to spend on those lists. The circulation of
money
Use synonyms
 that
spend
Wrong verb form
is spent
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 on
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
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 routine could open
the
Correct article usage
apply
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opportunities in the market
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gluten-free
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
equipments
Correct your spelling
equipment
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
,
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
show examples
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vitamin
Fix the agreement mistake
vitamins
show examples
,
also
Linking Words
 the beauty-clinic in all over the world. The conclusion of
this
Linking Words
 idea is that the more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on appearance
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 more circulated amount of
money
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
is circulated in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Punctuation problem
society,
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could possibly benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
Use synonyms
 and the market.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and support. Try to elaborate more on each point you make.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better. This will help the reader follow your thoughts.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your points. This will make them stronger and clearer.
content
You show an understanding of the topic and its relevance to society.
content
You make some good points about the economic benefits of spending on appearance.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Youthful appearance
  • Societal norms
  • Media influence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Professional competition
  • Health and wellness
  • Cosmetic enhancements
  • Medical technology
  • Anti-aging products
  • Invest in appearance
  • Beauty standards
What to do next:
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