In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

Even
thouh
Correct your spelling
though
medicine has advantages,
individals
Correct your spelling
individuals
around the globe still die of diseases that can be easily cured. In
this
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issue, the
individuals
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individual's
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income and life
probles
Correct your spelling
problems
play a vital role, leading to negative outcomes.
However
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, it can be reduced.
Due to
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people
Use synonyms
's financial state, using expensive medication is simply not an option
to
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for
show examples
most. As economic
crisis
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crises
show examples
take place in many countries, medicine
became
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has become
show examples
a luxury use to
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,
inn
Use the right word
in
show examples
African countries, more than 90% of citizens are
low
Correct word choice
from the lower
show examples
class.
Therefore
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, their earnings go to their
expences
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expenses
show examples
,
such
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as food, clothing and more.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, individuals of
this
Linking Words
class are full of life stress, struggling to
Verb problem
make meet
show examples
meet ends
Correct word order
ends meet
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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worrying about their health is not a priority.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
Vietnam,
people
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who live in suburban areas sell their
kidney
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kidneys
show examples
for only 2000 dollars in
oorder
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order
to provide for their family.
This
Linking Words
later leads on to issues
suc
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such
as health problems and losing the ability to work.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
shoul
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should
fund
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
o
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for
those who are struggling.
For example
Linking Words
, making
medicne
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medicine
free fr
elderly
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the elderly
show examples
and children
woould
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would
be a big support.
Inn
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In
show examples
addition, health education
shoould
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should
be taught to
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
minority of
people
Use synonyms
so that they can be
educatted
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educated
abut
Use the right word
about
show examples
future problems. In conclusion, individuals lack the instinct to
prevennt
Correct your spelling
prevent
diseases that can be cured with medicine
due to
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issues
such
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as
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
financial state and other worries.
However
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,
this
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can be fixed by
governnment
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government
support and
healt
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health
education so later on, the negative effects
following
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this
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will be reduced significantly.

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coherence and cohesion
Clearly outline your main points in the introduction and summarize your ideas in the conclusion. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your paragraphs to help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have identified important issues related to health and economics, which is relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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