IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In spite of the advances in medicine, many people around the world still die of easily preventable diseases. why is this the case? what can be done about this problem?

Even
thouh
Correct your spelling
though
 medicine has advantages,
individals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 around the globe still die of diseases that can be easily cured. In
this
Linking Words
 issue, the
individuals
Check wording
individual's
show examples
 income and life
probles
Correct your spelling
problems
 play a vital role, leading to negative outcomes.
However
Linking Words
, it can be reduced.
Due to
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's financial state, using expensive medication is simply not an option
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 most. As economic
crisis
Fix the agreement mistake
crises
show examples
 take place in many countries, medicine
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a luxury use to
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
inn
Use the right word
in
show examples
 African countries, more than 90% of citizens are
low
Correct word choice
from the lower
show examples
 class.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their earnings go to their
expences
Use the right word
expenses
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothing and more.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, individuals of
this
Linking Words
 class are full of life stress, struggling to
Verb problem
make meet
show examples
meet ends
Correct word order
ends meet
show examples
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 worrying about their health is not a priority.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 Vietnam,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in suburban areas sell their
kidney
Fix the agreement mistake
kidneys
show examples
 for only 2000 dollars in
oorder
Correct your spelling
order
 to provide for their family.
This
Linking Words
 later leads on to issues
suc
Correct your spelling
such
 as health problems and losing the ability to work.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
shoul
Correct your spelling
should
 fund
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
support
o
Correct your spelling
for
 those who are struggling.
For example
Linking Words
, making
medicne
Correct your spelling
medicine
 free fr
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 and children
woould
Correct your spelling
would
 be a big support.
Inn
Use the right word
In
show examples
 addition, health education
shoould
Correct your spelling
should
 be taught to
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 minority of
people
Use synonyms
 so that they can be
educatted
Correct your spelling
educated
abut
Use the right word
about
show examples
 future problems. In conclusion, individuals lack the instinct to
prevennt
Correct your spelling
prevent
 diseases that can be cured with medicine
due to
Linking Words
 issues
such
Linking Words
 as
;
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 financial state and other worries.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be fixed by
governnment
Correct your spelling
government
 support and
healt
Correct your spelling
health
 education so later on, the negative effects
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 will be reduced significantly.

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coherence and cohesion
Clearly outline your main points in the introduction and summarize your ideas in the conclusion. This will help the reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas more fully and support them with more details or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between your paragraphs to help the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have identified important issues related to health and economics, which is relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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