In many government like to spend more money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However some think government should spend more on health and education. Discuss both side and give your opinion.

Nowadays, some people think that the
government
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should spend more
budgets
Fix the agreement mistake
budget
show examples
on the
arts
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,
while
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others argue that health and education are of paramount importance to be supported. I personally believe with the latter view, for even if the
arts
Use synonyms
will eventually contribute
in
Change preposition
to
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Correct article usage
the national’s
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national’s
Replace the word
nation’s
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income
by
Change preposition
through
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tourism,
citizen’s
Check wording
citizens’
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basic necessities are more predominant. On one hand,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
are very essential to attract visitors from all over the world to come to a country. By having unique dances and traditions, people definitely have a
willing
Replace the word
willingness
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to come and happily shop around.
As a result
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, there will be a good economic turnaround, both
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
local
Correct article usage
a local
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and national scale.
For instance
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, a high number of tourists coming to Bali every year
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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supported in improving
local’s
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locals’
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life
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lives
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,
as well as
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increasing Indonesia’s
overall
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annual earnings.
However
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, despite the fact that
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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particularly support national income, it will be wiser if the
government
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put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
citizen’s
Check wording
citizens’
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basic
necessity
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necessities
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as their main priority to release the budget. In fact, those two aspects are very significant in order to create a prosperous country. Increasing
government
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expenditure portions on health will create more accessible facilities
as well as
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affordable treatments for all
class
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classes
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of citizens.
Moreover
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, providing
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
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on
Change preposition
for
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education will foster
bright-minded
Correct article usage
a bright-minded
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and skilled young generation.
This
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probably
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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the quality of the nation itself
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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will be useful to grow as a developed country in the future. In summary,
although
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spending budget on
arts
Use synonyms
may increase
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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income from
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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cluster,
prioritizing
Use the right word
prioritising
show examples
health and education
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
more beneficial as it makes an impact on a wider scale.
Thus
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, it is better for the
government
Use synonyms
to
prioritize
Use the right word
prioritise
show examples
those two aspects in the first place.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
task achievement
Add more examples or explanation to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about tourism in Bali.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • allocate
  • lavish
  • cultivate
  • preserve
  • heritage
  • promote
  • enrich
  • stimulate
  • patronage
  • advocate
  • allocate
  • funding
  • essential
  • accessible
  • improve
  • enhance
  • well-being
  • invest
  • research
  • infrastructure
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