More and more adults are playing computer games. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?

In today’s fast-changing world,
mostly
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most
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grown-ups tend to spend their day playing video
games
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.
This
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essay will discuss the main
reasons
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for
this
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development
Punctuation problem
, if
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if
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whether
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it is the advancement of technology, and agree that
this
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is a negative tendency. First of all, one of the major clues is to relax
while
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playing video
games
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. Playing video
games
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is the most popular activity to do in free time to maintain
a
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apply
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better mental health.
For example
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, a person with a lot of stress from working life can do
this
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activity to relieve
his
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their
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mental state, and at the same time, with strategic
games
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, it can
also
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help a person's brain develop.
Moreover
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, nowadays innovation in game technology attracts people to interact with different types of
games
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, like
games
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that are developed with AI.
Therefore
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, there are a lot of
reasons
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for computer game popularity, and
this
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can be a bad or positive trend.
Secondly
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, from my point of view, there are several
reasons
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that it is a negative trend. The first major cause is that it makes people addicted.
In other words
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, it affects a person's social life.
In particular
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, I always play computer
games
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when I have free time and when I sit down and start to play and never stop. In the end, my friends were furious because I never hung out with them.
Hence
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, it can be a big problem for a person’s social life if people get addicted to it.
To conclude
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, there are both advantages and disadvantages to
this
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issue.
However
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, I think there are more major
reasons
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that
demerits
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the demerits
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outweigh
merits
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the merits
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer in stating your main points and thesis statement. Try to clearly outline the reasons and opinions in one sentence.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to link your ideas more smoothly. Use more cohesive devices, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'for example', to guide your reader.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion could summarize the main points more clearly. Just repeat the main ideas from the body of the essay to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will strengthen the argument in your essay and make it more convincing.
task achievement
You have identified clear reasons why adults play video games.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear in presenting an argument for both sides of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • stress relief
  • multiplayer games
  • online communities
  • cognitive challenges
  • mental stimulation
  • e-sports
  • socially acceptable
  • prestigious
  • purchasing power
  • sophisticated games
  • escapism
  • accessible
  • advertisements
  • adult demographics
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