IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some people prefer
change
Verb problem
to change
show examples
 their jobs frequently,
while
Linking Words
 others decide on a
career
Use synonyms
 path early in their lives and
keep
Verb problem
stick
show examples
 to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life. Both of them have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good and bad sides. In my opinion, choosing
one
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
 and
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on it for a long time is better than changing
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
jobs frequently.
Firstly
Linking Words
, changing jobs frequently can diverse
experiment
Use the right word
experiences
show examples
 and new opportunities.
This
Linking Words
 can help them explore different working environments and find out their
suit
Use the right word
suitable
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, changing
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 frequently
have
Wrong verb form
can lead
show examples
 to face with many problems
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of experience, limited company loyalty. and less chance
to have
Change preposition
of having
show examples
 long-term benefits.
For example
Linking Words
, Emma was
worting
Correct your spelling
working
 for a company for a short time,
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 did not have any benefit packages
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
leading
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to
imbalance
Correct article usage
an imbalance
show examples
 in work life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
committed
Verb problem
being committed
show examples
 to a
career
Use synonyms
 can bring advantages in many ways.
Person
Correct article usage
A person
show examples
 who
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 in
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 long-term often
receive
Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
show examples
 better benefits than
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 new employee,
such
Linking Words
 as a permanent contract and more stability.
The
Use the right word
Those
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 who
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
one
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have the potential to become
expertise
Check wording
an expert
show examples
, have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 position in
work
Correct pronoun usage
their work
show examples
 and high salary.
For example
Linking Words
, Tom has worked for his company
4
Change preposition
for 4
show examples
years, he has a stable salary and position
leader
Correct article usage
the leader
show examples
 of the project In conclusion, changing
job
Use synonyms
 frequently bring variety. But staying
comimited
Correct your spelling
committed
 to
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 or
career
Use synonyms
 can give more stability and
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 satisfying working life

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task achievement
Try to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. Make sure it's easy for the reader to understand what you believe.
coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph that guide the reader on what that paragraph will discuss. It helps to keep the ideas organized.
task achievement
Be careful with grammar and spelling mistakes. For example, 'people prefer change their jobs' should be 'people prefer to change their jobs.'
task achievement
You made a good effort in providing examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay had a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career path
  • job satisfaction
  • professional goals
  • climb the career ladder
  • develop expertise
  • long-term commitment
  • financial security
  • varied experiences
  • prevent monotony
  • job security
  • career progression
  • personal preferences
  • industry dynamics
What to do next:
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