These days, older people who have retired often choose to spend money on themselves rather than save money for their children. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years, the issue of retired aged individuals
are preffered
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preferring
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to spend currency on themselves has become a common concern across all sectors of society. I contend that it
it
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apply
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could have both positive and negative
development
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as aged
people
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decide to spend their own money as their own
instead
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of giving to their children. On the one hand, a great number of merits come from the first statement.
To begin
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with, nowadays
people
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are retired
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retire
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at 65 years old and their
life
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expectancy
are
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is
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so high, so
that
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apply
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they like to utilise their whole
savings
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as their own.
For example
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, aged
people
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of the developed countries
,
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apply
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now keep
their all
Correct word order
all their
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savings
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for the rest of their
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life
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lives
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.
Therefore
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, they could enjoy in summer or
accommodate
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be accommodated
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with special facilities if
they need
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needed
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.
However
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, it is a way of modern living that costs a lot. Another worth mentioning point could be that these individuals
are
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apply
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often
struggled
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struggle
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and
devoted
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devote
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of recreation in their whole
life
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. So it is the accurate time to unwind
them
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apply
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with nature.
For instance
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,
i
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I
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know one neighbour who is retired and now
travel
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travels
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from one country to another.
Moreover
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, in
these
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this
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case,
i
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I
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believe that it is a positive
development
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for
retired
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a retired
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person.
On the other hand
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, young
people
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are now quite
independant
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independent
and lead their
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life
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lives
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according to
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their
wish
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wishes
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.
For example
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, teenagers
of
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in
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USA
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the USA
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,
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apply
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are
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
at 16 and engage with others . As they earn money at their early age, they do not often need their
parents
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parents'
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money.
As a result
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, their parents do not credit any amount in the bank
acoount
Correct your spelling
account
for them. I believe it is a negative
development
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for them because they are devoted from their
parents
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parents'
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savings
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.
To sum up
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, having analysed both the views,
i
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I
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personally believe that
people
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who are in retirement
,
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apply
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should keep their
savings
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for their own, especially in their
needy
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need
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time
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apply
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.
However
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, it would be a positive
development
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with many benefits for the
retirement
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retired
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individuals.

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task achievement
Make sure to focus your ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have one main idea that is well-supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clear linking words to connect your ideas. This will help your essay flow better and be easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Watch out for grammar and spelling mistakes. They can distract from your message. For example, "independant" should be "independent".
task achievement
You included personal examples, which make your essay more relatable and interesting.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic clearly, showing that you're aware of the debate.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement
  • financial independence
  • invest
  • prioritize
  • personal fulfillment
  • family dynamics
  • wellness
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • quality of life
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