IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that media like newspaper should stop publishing the information about the people's private life , Others think that control to stop such publication should be put in place. Discuss both views and state you opinion.

In
today’ s
Check wording
today’s
show examples
 world , many believe that someone’s personal
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 should not be shared through newspapers ,
while
Linking Words
 others think that it should be managed without completely banning
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
Linking Words
According to
Change preposition
In
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 my opinion , I have a balanced view about
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 arguments as there can be advantages
as well as
Linking Words
 disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
 , Publishing details of someone's personal
life
Use synonyms
 in newspapers or whatever media often
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
show examples
rumors
Use the right word
rumours
show examples
 within the society .
Accordingly
Linking Words
depending
Punctuation problem
, depending
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
their views and situations
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 try to judge and have some impression about
personalities
Correct article usage
the personalities
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 of people who
published
Wrong verb form
publish
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 their private
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. The real situation of that person can be
completely
Correct article usage
a completely
show examples
 different picture
Punctuation problem
. .for
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
For
for example
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 situation is more related to cricketers , actors and singers who have some community of fans. Apart from that ,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 can be some personal
live
Replace the word
life
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 experiences which are very valuable for someone to encourage and develop their selves.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
disabled
Correct article usage
a disabled
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 person's
life
Use synonyms
 experience or
Correct article usage
a business
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business man
Use the right word
businessman
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 who started from Scratch
life
Use synonyms
 story can be invaluable for some
reader
Fix the agreement mistake
readers
show examples
 and can be
turning
Correct article usage
a turning
show examples
 point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.These
stories
Use synonyms
 can be personal
stories
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 may inspire some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 to a better direction.
Acccording
Correct your spelling
According
 to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 given
points
Punctuation problem
points,
show examples
 it is obvious that
while
Linking Words
 some
person
Check wording
people's
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 background
stories
Use synonyms
 should be published
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 articles to educate and
make
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 people
encouraged
Verb problem
apply
show examples
, some personal
stories
Use synonyms
 of popular personalities should be hindered .
Linking Words
Further
Add a comma
Further,
show examples
 I believe
reader
Fix the agreement mistake
readers
show examples
 have the choice to choose whether to read or avoid.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and sticks to that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition words to connect your ideas and paragraphs better.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explain why they are relevant to your main point.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, showing that you engage with the question.
task achievement
The examples you provided, like disabled persons' experiences, nicely support your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • voluntarily
  • publishing information
  • private lives
  • privacy
  • ethical journalism
  • self-regulation
  • ethical guidelines
  • regulatory control
  • government regulations
  • media laws
  • sensationalism
  • invasive
  • personal well-being
  • public shaming
  • harassment
  • public figures
  • professional responsibilities
  • public actions
  • balanced approach
  • voluntary restraint
  • accountability
  • freedom of the press
What to do next:
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