IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

“It is better for people to be unemployed, than people to be employer but they do not enjoy. Is it written correctly?”

There is a view that being jobless is better than having an unpleasant occupation.
Firstly
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, working in an undesired workplace may cause and lead to several bad consequences
such
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 as stress, anxiety and depression.
As a result
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, individuals can lose their motivation and energy to move forward in life. Another important thing to mention is that people may not enjoy and love what they are doing , and
as a result
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, there will be no professional or personal growth.
While
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 other people may oppose that, there are some reasons to work in a job even though it’s undesired. Some individuals, mostly men, do not have any other choices since they may be the only breadwinners of the household.
As a result
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, many of them will have to work in an environment despite the fact that it’s unpleasant. The second reason can be the wage of money the workplace offers.
While
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 some jobs can be hard or unpleasant, they can still pay large amounts of money for the service.
Overall
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, I personally think that people should do their best to find a job of their will. Life is short , and wasting it in a bad workplace is not worth it.

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but try to restate the topic in your own words.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly connect each paragraph with smooth transitions.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your points.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion and reinforces your main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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