IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion.

It is
beleived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that the population who execute illegal activities should be punished with
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
a death
show examples
sentence
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, on the
different
Correct word choice
other
show examples
side
Check wording
hand
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that fine
penality
Use the right word
penalties
show examples
 are not appropriate. I will discuss both
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative
of
Check wording
aspects of
show examples
 the abovementioned topic in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Punctuation problem
with,
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advantages of the
Correct word order
the advantages of
show examples
 the life
sentence
Use synonyms
, the uppermost that comes on the list
id
Use the right word
is
show examples
 deterrence of crime.
People
Use synonyms
 saw different crimes in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and saw the severity of punishment. When the public
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
 realising that after
effects
Use the right word
after-effects
show examples
 of any illegal activity
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not that harsh, more
people
Use synonyms
 tend to perform that activity.
However
Linking Words
, they start realising the
pusnishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
 risks are higher for the crimes, it will significantly reduce the count of brutal acts in
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 public.
Along with
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 it,
Correct article usage
the Penality
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Penality
Use the right word
penalty
show examples
 of
death
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 cheaper as compared to the imprisonment methods. To explain
this
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 have to cover the expenses for shelter and food for the prisoners, sometimes, even for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health.
Execution
Use synonyms
 can save all of these expenses and reduce the number of prisoners, which will reduce the burden on
government
Correct article usage
the government
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. Looking at all the pros, we shouldn't neglect the cons of
execution
Use synonyms
. First of all, there is a high risk of punishing decent
people
Use synonyms
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 life
sentence
Use synonyms
. To expand, there are numerous
people
Use synonyms
 who
commint
Correct your spelling
commit
 crime just for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self defence
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self-defence
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, or to save someone.
Penalizing
Use the right word
Penalising
show examples
 them with
death
Use synonyms
 is not justified and will be
injustice
Correct article usage
an injustice
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 for
the
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Along with
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this
Linking Words
, killing
someone
Punctuation problem
someone,
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 even as a
punishment
Punctuation problem
punishment,
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 is inhuman and unethical.
Execution
Use synonyms
 for any purpose
cannnot
Verb problem
cannot
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 be considered
rightous
Correct your spelling
righteous
, so
Use synonyms
death
Correct article usage
the death
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sentence
Use synonyms
 is considered amoral
according to
Linking Words
 many religions and rituals. Conclusively,
One
Fix capitalization
one
show examples
 can say that
death
Use synonyms
 punishments can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mitigating the number of illegal acts and
also
Linking Words
 save the tariffs of handling prisoners, but
execution
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 immoral activity and is not
jusifies
Correct your spelling
justified
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
innocent individuals. I think higher
autories
Correct your spelling
authorities
 can
put
Verb problem
impose
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fines and can
finds
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 other ways to punish public
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes to maintain law and order
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 society.

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grammar
Make sure to check spelling errors, like 'beleived' should be 'believed', 'penality' should be 'penalty', and 'righteous' should be 'righteous'.
content
Try to provide clear examples to support your points. For instance, you mentioned 'penalty of death is also cheaper'; explain this a bit more. Why is it cheaper?
coherence
Make sure the ideas in each paragraph flow well. Use linking words like 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'Finally' to help your reader follow your thoughts.
clarity
In your conclusion, make your opinion clearer. You can say 'In my opinion, the death penalty is not correct because it takes innocent lives.'
content
You have introduced both sides of the argument well, which is good for a balanced response.
content
Your writing presents several key points regarding the death penalty. This shows you understand the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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