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Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, people devote too much time to their job. This leaves very little time for their personal life. How widespread is the problem? What problem will this shortage of time cause?

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It is fair to say that, having a tight schedule and not getting enough personal
time
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 is one of the most disputed and argued topics all over the globe. Individuals are spending the majority of their
time
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on
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at
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work
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 or going up and down from
work
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 to home, so they are not able to get some personal
time
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explore the causes of
this
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 issue and the arising problems as well. The matter of fact is that the majority of the
people
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 are those who are working 9-5 jobs and
then
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 they travel 1-2
hours
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 to commute. 9-10
hours
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 of the day they are spending on
work
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 and travel only and when they reach home they just cook, eat and sleep. A survey done in 2022 showed that 79% of
people
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 do not even get
time
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 to spend with their own family and they feel very low as well. As inflation is at its peak and is increasing every day,
people
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 need to
work
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 sometimes for 10-12
hours
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 of shifts as they are the main bread earners of their families. Because of
such
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 reasons, almost 88
people
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 out of 100 are suffering from
this
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 issue. The effects of
this
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 issue are very deep. As folks are left with almost no quality
time
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, it has a very negative impact on their mind. They always feel tired, and they start to get irritated at small things. It is observed that
people
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 who do not get personal life get many mental disorders and their physical strength
also
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 gets affected. They start to lose interest in the given tasks or either they are not able to perform well. It leads to issues like feelings of isolation, stress, depression, and anxiety. To summarize, as it is a very serious problem, the government should start some initiatives to help
people
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 out. Authorities should organize some sort of fun clubs or meditation centres so that
people
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 can chill and relax in between
work
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hours
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, or either after or before
work
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hours
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.

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively but could delve deeper into the extent of the problem and provide more comprehensive analysis. Adding more examples or statistics can strengthen the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the flow and logical structure so that points transition more smoothly. Linking words and phrases can help connect ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purpose, but the conclusion could be expanded to summarize the main points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay is well-focused on the topic and provides specific examples, such as the survey statistic regarding people not spending enough time with family.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction captures the essence of the issue and sets up a clear framework for the rest of the essay.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • stress-related ailments
  • prolonged work hours
  • decreased productivity
  • flexible work hours
  • remote working options
  • overwork
  • well-being
  • mental health issues
  • strain on relationships
  • reduced availability
  • chronic stress
  • employee well-being
  • workplace culture
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