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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the number of visitors to two cities in a given year. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart shows the trajectory
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2017.
Additionally
Linking Words
, those
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 are expressed in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the total
number
Use synonyms
 of tourists increased during the seven years,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two variables,
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise ships and those
stayed
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
island
Use synonyms
, exchanged a higher position between 2015 and 2016. Specifically, the figure for all
visitors
Use synonyms
 started from 1
million
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and reached 2.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2015, and it ultimately surged to 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, focusing on the remaining two factors, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 who stayed on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 was
initially
Linking Words
 0.8
million
Use synonyms
 and began increasing from 2011
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
became
Verb problem
reaching
show examples
 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2013.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it remained unchanged until 2015 and had a slight decline in 2016, it recovered to 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
Also
Linking Words
, the tourists who spent their time on ships stably increased during these 7 years as the figures for
this
Linking Words
 group are as follows
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 0.3
million
Use synonyms
 (2010), 1
million
Use synonyms
 (2014), 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 (2016) and 2
million
Use synonyms
 (2017). In comparison, even though the
number
Use synonyms
 of people who decided to stay on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 had been higher than that of people who preferred
styaing
Correct your spelling
staying
 on cruise ships at the beginning, the latter group became superior to the former one in 2017.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 showed a strong growth as it increased by 2.5
million
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2017.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, visitors, island, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 3 times.
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