IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sports and arts for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
 for school
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 gives more advantages than supporting
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
. Schools of sport and
art
Use synonyms
 can be a perfect place to train students who have talents
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their early age.
Thus
Linking Words
, the focused talent
development
Use synonyms
 program is important to achieve
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in the future. By developing schools that solely focus on
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
, the training will become more concentrated. Giving funds to professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 is a good idea, but it won't bring as
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
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 benefits as developing
sports
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 and
arts
Use synonyms
 for students. Funding in professional
sports
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 and
art
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 will surely bring good cause in increasing the reputation of
government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
However
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the government
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government
Check wording
government's
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 reputation is not a critical problem.
Besides
Linking Words
, most professional
sports
Use synonyms
 and
art
Use synonyms
events
Use synonyms
 are very high in budget and usually don't
last
Linking Words
 long, only for
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 days or even weeks. It is
such
Linking Words
 a waste to spend
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 amount of money
for
Change preposition
on
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 an event
that is
Linking Words
 temporary.
While
Linking Words
,
development
Use synonyms
 of
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
 in school can be a form as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
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investment. Developing sport and
art
Use synonyms
 in schools to a better quality can improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
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 of human resources to be better,
thus
Linking Words
, can bring impact in the future
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 we all know, it is one of the vital
key
Fix the agreement mistake
keys
show examples
 to improve
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of a country. Not only to foster new talents in
sports
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Use synonyms
, improving the quality of
sports
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 and
arts
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 can
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
bring positive impacts to the cultural aspects. Culture is
also
Linking Words
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an important things that need to
preserved
Verb problem
be preserved
show examples
 by a country. Talented students in
sports
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 can help in promoting the culture of a country for the younger generations.

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task achievement
Make sure to state your opinion clearly in the introduction.
coherence
Use more linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Try to give more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
The essay has a clear main idea about supporting sports and arts in schools.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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