IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a view that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 should be
emphasized
Use the right word
emphasised
show examples
 more than just having a
job
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue in
favor
Use the right word
favour
show examples
, I personally oppose
this
Linking Words
 notion as unemployment is not
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 solution for most people.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, even if it is not ideal, any occupation can provide income
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is essential for
playing
Use the right word
paying
show examples
 bills and supporting
family
Correct article usage
a family
show examples
. It
also
Linking Words
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 financial problems and loss of self-esteem.
Although
Linking Words
 a
job
Use synonyms
 is not enjoyable, it can still provide experience and career skills which can help them to find
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 later.
Thus
Linking Words
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
 employed is believed
more
Verb problem
to be more
show examples
 beneficial than being unemployed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, career fulfilment is
also
Linking Words
 considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a vital element. It is believed that
job
Use synonyms
satisfaction
Use synonyms
 is crucial for mental health and long-term happiness. Being in a toxic environment can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. For
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 reasons, being jobless can be
prioritized
Use the right word
prioritised
show examples
 over workplace
satisfaction
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the importance of a less stressful lifestyle. Despite these arguments, I remain convinced that being employed is
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 approach as
supporting
Wrong verb form
it supports
show examples
 the living costs In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 one might be justified in
claming
Correct your spelling
claiming
 that
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
human beings prefer
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 stressful lifestyle than a
job
Use synonyms
 without
satisfaction
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that in today's world
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 view employment as a way to improve their lifestyle through material possessions.

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task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with specific reasons or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same phrases. Try to use different words to express your ideas.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion and present reasons for your view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a good overall structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
What to do next:
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