IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is better for people to be unemployed than people to be employed but they do not enjoy.

In today's demanding world , working is considered to be an essential for survival. There is a view that it is better to be jobless than to
work
Use synonyms
 in a
job
Use synonyms
 without enjoyment. I particularly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because working in a
job
Use synonyms
 that a person dislikes can have a negative impact on mental health and personal development
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
; however
show examples
, there might be some necessary reasons why to
work
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 even though an employee does not have a desire to
work
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. Working on a
job
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 that an employee does not like would lead to serious psychological and emotional stress. When an individual spends most of their time in a
job
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 that they find meaningless and stressful, it can result in exhaustion, anxiety and depression.
This
Linking Words
 means that permanently working in a
job
Use synonyms
 without satisfaction would reduce both productivity and creativity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if employees
work
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 without any desire often have little motivation to grow or improve, which limits their potential and personal improvement.
In contrast
Linking Words
, being unemployed has its own challenges. For many people, joblessness means financial problems, social isolation and low self-esteem.
For instance
Linking Words
, in some nations, joblessness is a shame and means that the person has some problems socialising.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not every
job
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 will be enjoyable from the start; some roles may become more satisfying over time as one gains experience or adapts to the environment. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 I acknowledge the practical need for employment, I particularly agree that it is better to be unemployed than to be trapped in a
job
Use synonyms
 that one finds unenjoyable.

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Task Achievement
Try to add more specific examples or personal experiences to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next; use linking words like 'first', 'second', 'finally'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Develop your conclusion a bit more to clearly restate your main argument and its importance.
Task Achievement
You clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is a strong start.
Task Achievement
Your points about mental health and personal growth are relevant and important.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transnational problems
  • climate change
  • ozone layer depletion
  • pollution
  • collaborative efforts
  • pooling of resources
  • expertise
  • technology
  • innovative solutions
  • international standards
  • race to the bottom
  • environmental standards
  • capacity
  • impacts
  • national sovereignty
  • independently
  • economic
  • social contexts
  • international consensus
  • legal
  • political systems
  • enforcement
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