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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the changes that took place in three different areas of crime in Newport city centre from 2003-2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the number of
cases
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
, car theft, and robbery in Newport city
center
Use the right word
centre
show examples
 over a nine-year period between 2003 and 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
burglary
Use synonyms
datas
Correct your spelling
data
 demonstrated a significant downward trend,
while
Linking Words
 car theft figures
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 steadily
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the period.
In addition
Linking Words
, robbery remained the lowest
cases
Use synonyms
 throughout in entire year with a slight fluctuation trend. Examining
burglary
Use synonyms
 in detail, the data experienced a sharp
decreasing
Check wording
decrease
show examples
. After the initial year,
burglary
Use synonyms
 peaked at approximately 3650
cases
Use synonyms
 in 2004, displaying a dramatic
declining
Replace the word
decline
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 to around 1200 in 2008 and remaining stable until the end of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
 at about 1300.
In contrast
Linking Words
, car theft
statictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 fell steadily. They commenced at 2600
cases
Use synonyms
, reaching
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest of approximately 2050. The trends continued
rose
Verb problem
to rise
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 gradually with smooth fluctuation by the end
at
Change preposition
of
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 nearly 2400, ending as the most common crime in 2012.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, robbery recorded the lowest
incindents
Correct your spelling
incidents
 over the nine
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, beginning at just over 550 and finishing at almost similar to the initial number, experiencing a slight
variety
Replace the word
variation
show examples
 pattern.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cases, burglary with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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