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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Studying abroad is thought by many students to be the best way to get a good education. On the other hand, On the other hand, some students believe that studying in another country has many drawbacks. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Education plays a crucial role in everyone's life as it is a fundamental
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
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 of
this
Linking Words
 modern society. Some pupils have a notion that getting
education
Correct article usage
an education
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 from
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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is
Check wording
country is
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 better way to avail tremendous opportunities.
However
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 think that it has several disadvantages. I believe that it brings ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits as younger ones will have greater exposure to attract success into their lives. I will discuss both views and
exoress
Correct your spelling
express
 my own opinion with
logic
Replace the word
logical
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 facts and points. To commence with ,
sime
Correct your spelling
some
 people and I
also
Linking Words
 believe that in developed
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 only vast and popular technology
has been using
Verb problem
is used
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 in order to teach
students
Use synonyms
as
Correct word choice
and
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to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make them masters in that particular field. They can learn distinctive tips and tricks
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to become a better version of themselves under the supervision of professionals.
Hence
Linking Words
 , they can implement
advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 knowledge to their businesses to flourish
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
onces
Correct your spelling
once
 they complete their academic studies
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
; this
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 way , they become independent .
For instance
Linking Words
, the majority of the
students
Use synonyms
 migrate to Canada, America and Australia for their higher studies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they become familiar
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
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 of these countries and their businesses.
Hence
Linking Words
, pupils can enhance their information
as
Correct word choice
and
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 use it as a source of income
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 exhilarates their enthusiasm and
expand
Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
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 their horizons.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , some
learner's
Check wording
learners
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 believe that studying in
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 nation has cons .
Firstly
Linking Words
, they may experience cultural
shook
Use the right word
shock
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 as the
western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 culture is very different from
eastern
Fix capitalization
Eastern
show examples
.
Check wording
culture.
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 They will miss their family
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
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, they become stressed and depressed. Another drawback is that it will put
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 burden on them as paying
fee
Correct article usage
a fee
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 in international currency is not easy .
For instance
Linking Words
, as per a BBC News
students
Use synonyms
 spend approximately 20,000 dollars for one year
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their academic field.
Thus
Linking Words
 , it is a lot of money
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have to work hard to
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
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 their demands .
For instance
Linking Words
, I believe that studying abroad
enormous
Verb problem
has enormous
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 benefits as it provides a facility to work independently
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, nevertheless
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nevertheless
Rephrase
regardless
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 of
people
Correct word choice
whether people
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 have enough money to support themselves during their academic years
only
Punctuation problem
, only
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than
Use the right word
then
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they
Verb problem
do they
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think about go
Wrong verb form
consider going
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 to foreign countries for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher education.
This
Linking Words
 way
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 can balance their life .

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly follows a single main idea. This will improve your logical structure.
task achievement
Your introduction should be clearer and better outline what you'll discuss. Try to rephrase your thesis for clarity.
task achievement
Use clearer examples and explanations. This will help your readers understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use proper punctuation and spelling to improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which is important for discussing such topics.
task achievement
You showed a clear opinion in your conclusion, which is good for clarity and focus.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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